To answer that question: yes.
I haven’t taken nearly as many pictures recently as when I first began the race, but many many things are still happening….just not all the documentation.
This action of actively posting a photo online can suggest that we are seeking validation from our peers via the social currency of views or likes, rather than simply remembering a moment for ourselves.
And this mindset of seeking validation from others pushes us to fall into the trap of comparison. And that’s exactly what happened to me. Instead of capturing moments for the joy of sharing them, I started to compare my amount of “likes” and comments to those of others, and felt discouraged when I didn’t get as many.
Now, it wasn’t like this the entire race. The first few months, I was just so stinkin’ excited to be traveling, meeting people, experiencing God in new ways, eating weird foods, updating y’all on surviving the unbearable heat and so on. And I posted a lot to let my momma and grandma know I was still alive and doing well.
But then it got to this point where I just didn’t feel like I had any “cool pictures” to take, and I was feeling anxiety about not having like-worthy photos and stories to share. I began looking at other missionaries’ photos and comparing their awesome and professionally edited pictures to mine, and just felt like mine didn’t even measure up to what they were sharing. My testimonies weren’t as amazing, my landscapes weren’t as pretty, and my captions didn’t even have a scripture reference. I did not think I was doing this social media thing well at all.
Are we so focused on documenting our lives that we are neglecting to live in the moment?
I was so concerned with what I thought people wanted to see from me on social media, that I wasn’t truly enjoying each and every experience God was inviting me into. I wasn’t enjoying what and who God placed right in front of me. I wasn’t living in the present – I was living to receive validation from the few followers that I have.
And over time, I’ve felt this conviction about taking pictures of people who I view as my ministry. I’m definitely guilty of meeting someone, praying for them, and then asking to take a quick selfie to document “my cool moment” to post later. And that is not a horrible thing, but I was doing it so often, and soon only cared about making sure people saw it so my supporters still believed in what I was doing.
I was so caught up in posting photos because I felt insecure. I thought that if I didn’t post at least one photo of someone I prayed for every few days, my supporters would regret supporting me.
I was more focused on pleasing people than pleasing God
And you know the funny thing? My amount of followers hasn’t changed much. The number of “likes” I receive hasn’t dramatically risen. The people who follow me, who comment and like my posts, they do that because they love me. Because they care about me. And I do the same for people I love and care about too.
I do not have a large following and I am not a social media star because 1. I’m not good at it and 2. I have come to a place of maturity where I just don’t care to be one. I would rather have genuine followers who are people I know and/or are inspired to see more of God in their life because of what I post. I want to use my social media platforms to give God the glory in all circumstances, not to obtain a “fake” and temporary glory for myself.
It’s been a journey for a few months, and I have decided to further demonstrate my commitment to God by taking a fast from social media. I’m fasting until at least after Project Searchlight in January in hopes of gaining a deeper identity in Him and trusting Him with my future plans. I so often try to plan every aspect of my life, instead of giving God the time and space to speak into my life first. This is a struggle for me, and I am praying this fast refocuses my mind and heart on God.
Fasting is not designed to change the way you look and feel but to change the way you perceive and live. – Lisa Bevere
