I don’t like giving up. I don’t like giving up, because it’s hard. It’s hard to let go of something, knowing that there may potentially be good to come it of. Knowing that maybe, just maybe, if you keep trying and investing your time, energy, resources and more, that there will be something positive that will make it all worth it. For some people, giving up is the easy way out. For me, giving up is hard.
This past year, I had a job that I absolutely loved. I was working with special needs children conducting behavioral therapy. The staff was wonderful and I felt empowered and motivated to do my best because of the positive differences I was making in those children’s’ lives. Everything was great.
However, all too soon things took a turn for the worst. I won’t go into details because I don’t want to dishonor the company or any individuals, but let’s just say things got bad. Real Bad. REALLY BAD. Okay, I think you get the point. So, I had a choice about what to do. I could leave, as some would say “give up,” or I could stay and try to make the best out of the situation.
I fought with myself on the decision for months. Many of my close colleagues had quit, and I was lonely. I was conflicted. I wanted to stay so badly to prove all the accusations false. I wanted to stay and fight for the kids. I wanted to stay and learn to be thankful in every circumstance.
But staying and fighting to be happy and fighting to fit in and fighting for what I believe in was exhausting. I was angry for being deceived. I was hurt to see my trust in others manipulated and turned against me. I was upset with myself for being stupid to have gotten this deep into the situation in the first place. I felt trapped between two extremes: stay and be miserable or leave and risk losing what you once loved.
So, I left. I took a risk and left. And I can say right now, without a doubt, that leaving was the best decision for me. Though it was hard, and I felt in a lot of ways that I had failed, in the big scheme of things, leaving was the right choice. Jumping into the uncomfortable territory of unemployment and leaving my community was the best risk. I quit my job, packed up all my things and moved an hour south to my parent’s house.
I showed up on the doorstep with all my belongings, no job, no prospects of a new job, a little money saved up and no community where my parents live. Sounds great, right? Haha. It didn’t look like everything was falling into place. But here I am, nine months later. I am preparing to go on the World Race, helping my family run a wedding venue and spending quality time with them before I leave, and am blessed to see them get back involved in church.
I didn’t want to leave my community in Kennesaw behind. I went to college in Kennesaw and lived there for four and a half years. However, sometimes you have to leave behind something good to discover what’s better. I discovered what’s better – seeing my family get involved in church again, and taking the risk to go on the World Race. If I hadn’t quit my job and moved home, I may have never experienced these things.
Even more, I don’t see me quitting my job as failing. I see it as me letting go. I let go of only relying on myself to fix the situation. I let go of believing that I could change the owner’s heart and make things right. I let go of my control, because it was out of my hands. Being there and fighting for justice was turning me into someone I’m not: angry, lonely, hurt. Because healing hearts is God’s territory. He can use me in abundant ways, but He is the one who does all the inner work. So if you’re fighting right now, begging for a miracle, ask God if it’s time for you to let go. For me, letting go was much harder than staying and fighting. Letting go took bravery and courage. Maybe it’s the same for you too.
I’m sharing my experience with you to encourage you to take risks. Take risks. Do things that are uncomfortable, do things that scare you. Because if you don’t, if you hold back and stay comfortable, how will you ever discover if there’s more in this life for you? How will you ever see the greatness waiting on the other side of the mountains blocking your way?
