I’m not going on the World Race anymore.
Jesus has been pushing me to face for weeks now. But I just didn’t
want to admit it.
in my life who have been praying with me and for me through this
process. I hope that it can explain some of the journey that Jesus has
been leading me through:
So this weekend I got to spend a lot of time in prayer, reading articles from people I consider wise, and in the Word.
Friday, I began to seek God, questioning Him on what wisdom and
discernment looks like in this situation. Seeing as I’ve felt that He
was giving me an option and I am by no stretch of the imagination
indecisive (and a ridiculously sinful person), I still need Him to make
this decision for me.
So yea…I felt as if I needed to start reading James. I’m not sure
why, but something in me just said “read James.” So I did. James
clearly outlines what wisdom is.
James says that if I seek God and ask Him for wisdom, He will give it
(James 1:5-6) and that it is pure, a fruit of the spirit, and unselfish
(James 3:15-18). I have none of those qualities. Therefore, I spent
Friday begging God to give me wisdom and discernment.
Today was my Sabbath. I kicked it off by getting down to business.
I’m seeing it more and more each day–I need Jesus. I can’t make
decisions on my own. He gets me. He knows what is best…and He isn’t
a silent, distant God.
Anyway.
This whole decision making process has caused a lot of anxiety/worry in
my life. It’s been a battle with sin daily trying to rely on Jesus.
It’s been beautiful because He is showing me His need for Him as I get
to repent of my anxiety, but it has definitely been a battle. So with
that in mind, I began my Sabbath by listening to a message from the
Village Church, TX called “Age of Anxiety.” In this message, Beau
Hughes, one of hte pastors, pointed out that true joy, a fruit of the
spirit, can only come from Christ. Any time we experience joy, it is
from our God. Nowhere else. (praise)
I wrote that note down. It’s a good thing to remember.
After that, I started to pray, begging God to reveal Himself to me in
the Bible. I don’t know where else I can find Truth..so…for some
reason I really felt like I needed to read Psalm 119. Again, not sure
why…but…yea.
As I read Psalm 119, I saw this recurring pattern. The Psalmist(s)
continued to say how God’s law and commands bring them great joy.
Obedience to God’s call brings joy. Joy = following God’s law.
That brought up the question– in my service to God, where do I find great joy?
I’m not talking about where I feel happy. Happiness is fleeting and kinda lame when you compare it to joy.
So I started to pray through where, in serving, I experience a joy that I can only explain as God-given.
I came to this conclusion:
Going on the world race excites me. It is an INCREDIBLE opportunity
that makes me happy. It’s so exciting to think about going, doing,
seeing, experiencing all of that…
but…
When I think and pray about the opportunity that I have to serve in
Columbia, my heart swells with this joy that I’m not sure I can
express. The feeling I’m mentioning here is not the “happy because I’m
in Columbia” feeling. It’s a crazy joy of getting the privilege to
serve Jesus in the capacity that He has blessed me with here.
So with that in mind…I think I’m supposed to be in Columbia.
I’m pretty sure of it, to be honest.
And yes, I’m sad. If you don’t see any crazy red flags and if you are
in agreement that yes, this is what it sounds like Jesus has for me,
I’ll mourn the World Race…but I’ll also do it while rejoicing because
Jesus has a plan for me.
people in my life–they rejoiced with me and mourned with me. They
know me…and they know that I’m wired to go, do, see, try,
travel….and that it’s hard for me to make this decision.
my life is about serving Him and glorifying Him wherever He calls me to
be.
Toni
