Honestly, I'm still processing. I don't know how to comprehend the way(s) God moved this past week at training camp. I don't know how to deal with what I witnessed, what I heard, and what I felt. I can't figure out how to contain this newfound joy I seem to have received from the Spirit. This past week, God rocked my world.
I went into the week drained, weak, scared, and only somewhat excited. As we pulled into the place that would "hold me captive" for the next week, my heart raced. What would these people think of me? Am I "spiritual enough"? And what is God going to do to me this week….? All these thoughts and many more rushed through my mind as we walked to the check in station.
My expectations of this past week were crushed within minutes. We're taught at AIM not to expect anything, though the likelyhood of that actually happening is very slim.
What did God do this week at training camp? He renewed my heart. For so long I've been terrified to completely surrender my life to Him. If I did, that would mean that I wouldn't be in control anymore, and I love control. I like to think that I can predict the outcome if I control things. It's laughable, yes, but in my mind, it makes sense. All week long I heard God telling me to give Him control. I fought it, justifying my ways of thinking. "I've got this, God. You're okay. I can handle my life. Thanks, though." Every time I closed my eyes, I had ONE picture in my mind: it was of two hands…His and mine. He was extending His hand out to me, waiting for me to hand Him control. I've pushed it away for so long. I've tried so hard to control my life that I've become exhausted and weary. Funny thing is, I've never really been in control; He's just allowed me to think I was. This week I sat in the back as I watched people worship our Jesus. I sat there fighting with my Jesus as He waited patiently for me to surrender my all to Him. It's taken me so long, and He's been so patient. This week I surrendered my all to Him. I handed Him control and RAN as quickly as I could before I snatched it away again. Afterwards, I felt free. I felt renewed. I felt, literally, as if chains had fallen off my shoulders. Instantly, my mood changed, my heart felt lighter, and I was able to genuinely worship my Jesus the way He has created me to worship. My Jesus is so good.
What did God do at training camp this week? He HEALED people. I came into this week with God in a box. Growing up I learned that there are so many things God CAN'T do, and I was focused on those things more than what God CAN do. Growing up I learned that people don't speak in tongues anymore, that prophecy doesn't happen, and that God doesn't heal people the way He did in "Biblical times". This week God took His almighty fist and shattered those doubts. God healed someone right in front of my eyes–a man who had been deaf from birth, who wore hearing aids to hear… God healed him. People surrounded him and prayed, and prayed, and prayed. When he took his hearing aids out, he could hear absolutely nothing. The more people prayed, the more his hearing was restored. Someone whispered in his ear, and he heard it!!! Jeremy had a full blown conversation with him without his hearing aids in. God healed a deaf man!! He's so good.
At the end of the week, He gave me one word to describe what my next year will be like: EXPAND. I believe that He is going to expand my horizons. He's going to expand the walls of my heart and allow me to believe in absolutely anything. Through Him, all things are possible. I learned this week that I have been living in a bounded set way of life. I'm ready to change that allow Him to "show up" big time. He's God. It's what He does.
————————————————————————————————————————————————–
While there are 55 people on our squad, the squad is broken up into small teams of 6 or 7. We were placed into teams this week, and I'm so excited to introduce you to the phenomenal people with which God has placed Jeremy and me for the first 3 months of ministry. Our team name is Found and Free (and a little messy). They are:
Steven Gnerlich (our leader) http://stevengnerlich.theworldrace.org/
Christina Hall http://christinahall.theworldrace.org/
Ginelove Bongarcon http://ginelovebongarcon.theworldrace.org/
Meghan Osowski http://meghanosowski.theworldrace.org/
Jared Potter http://jaredpotter.theworldrace.org/
We're pumped to see what God is going to revolutionize through this amazing group of people in the coming months. Please pray for our team as we embark to India in 36 days!!!
————————————————————————————————————————————————–
God has provided $23,000 towards support so far for this trip, which means we're only $8,000 away from our needed amount! He's been so good through this entire process. I cannot even begin to share our gratitude towards all the friends, family, and strangers that have donated towards this cause. Thank you so much!
Team Found and Free (and a little messy)
F Squad!
