Picture this: ——————-> You're at the concert of your all-time favorite singer.
Someone has given you an all access pass to see them behind stage, get their autograph, and have your picture taken with them.
You even have the opportunity to have a conversation and a meal.
You're beyond excited.
Words can't express the feelings rushing through you.
Then, without reason, you throw away the pass and walk away.
Because you threw away your pass, you start living vicariously through your friends' experiences behind the stage.
In similar fashion, I have been living my life like this for years. I show up for the "concert" with my pass, but I rarely take advantage of it. Usually, I let the pass slip between my fingers and allow others' stories of how Jesus is filling them to grow my heart and my relationship towards Him. I don't take advantage of the fact that I, too, have an all access pass to Jesus' heart! For years I have been living my life, and my relationship, through other people. I have fed off of others. I have taken bits of their pass and tried to use it as my own. I hear their stories and wonder why my stories aren't like theirs.
Last night at PenHOP, Jesus so softly spoke straight to my heart. I was journaling feverishly about my relationship with Him, how I wanted, no NEEDED, a deep, personal, intimate relationship with Him that was MINE when all-of-a-sudden the speaker/singer, Josh, began a prophesying of sorts on our hearts. He began telling us how we, as His beloved children, have complete and total access to the very core and center of Jesus' heart–no strings attached, and that through that complete access, we are able to have deep individual relationships with Him. I don't think I'd ever believed this before. Maybe I've never believed I was "good enough" to have access to Jesus personally. Me? I have access? It's clear in scripture that all men can come to Him!
He called me.
He drew me.
He wants me.
He will never let me go.
He has given me FULL access to Him.
I have an all-access pass to Jesus' heart, which means I no longer need to live through others' relationships with Him to grow in mine. I can have my own beautiful relationship with Him. No more depending on my husband, my team, my squad. No more waiting around for Him to show up and reveal things to me. I'm allowed to ask Him because He says so! I'm allowed to rejoice in my own findings. I'm allowed to access the very heart of my Daddy, my Creator! What a restful thought!
"You're all I want.
You're all I've ever needed.
You're all I want.
Help me know You are near."
A page of my journal from last night's PenHOP experience with Jesus. <3
