We’ve been married for 3 ½ years. It hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes it’s unbearable, and sometimes it’s the most blissful thing in the world. I had this expectation when we were engaged that everything would be daisies and roses, that nothing would change once we said “I do”. Boy was I wrong!
[Wedding Day: August 1, 2009]
We’ve found ourselves smack dab in the middle of more adventures than we could have possibly imagined in these last few years. Jeremy graduating college, gallivanting the country endless times to visit family and vacation, being separated for weeks at a time due to homesickness (me) or missions trips, moving 3 times, 6 jobs, having a 15-year-old handful of a girl live with us for a summer (such a blessing, however), living at a special needs facility, an aneurism scare (me), Jeremy having surgery, and now the World Race. All in 3 ½ years. It’s been crazy.
[Phuket, Thailand]
Before we were married, I was convinced that I would be the perfect wife. I’d do all the right things, say all the right things, and NEVER disrespect my husband. I would submit to him, no questions asked. After our weddng day, however, things quickly changed. Only weeks into our marriage I realized just how independent I really was and how I did not like respecting the things Jeremy asked of me/told me. I wanted to be my own person. As a result, I’ve neglected being the wife God calls me to be. 3 ½ years into this, I’m still learning—mostly the hard way—what God expects of me as a wife, and what Jeremy deserves.
[Penang, Malaysia after hiking]
These past few months have been tough for us. We’ve been on the Race now for 8 months; that’s 8 months of living with people, rarely getting privacy or time to ourselves, and no good place to hash out our “issues”. We came on the Race knowing that it was going to be difficult, knowing that God was going to push us to sort through the things we’ve been forgetting or pushing under the rug for ages. Vietnam (December) was an especially difficult month for us as we finally opened up to one another about things we hadn’t for years. We spent 5 nights away from the team talking, digging into the Word, and praying together. It was a good week, one that we desperately needed.
[Phuket, Thailand]
We headed to Africa and we were excited. We had contemplated taking time away from the team in Uganda, but decided against it because it was a bit pricey. Even though we were told to take time away every month, we haven’t because of cost. During this month we argued—a lot. We couldn’t quite put our finger on why we argued so much, but it escalated to where our team started noticing that we were indifferent towards one another.
[Ta Khmau, Cambodia]
One day Jeremy was reading through Genesis and I was sitting beside him reading on my Kindle. He glanced up and asked me if I thought I was his helper. I thought for a second, then concluded that I wasn’t. What God calls wives to be is their husband’s helpers, their helpmate. God created us to help our men. This question sparked something in my heart, and I starting thinking and researching what it really means to be his helper.
A few days later I was scheduled to lead the morning devotional. I thought about it and decided that I would share with the team what God has been RE-TEACHING me about what it means to be Jeremy’s helper.
[Nha Trang, Vietnam]
My role as a wife is really quite simple, if I’d just let it. When I committed myself to Jeremy back in 2009, I committed to love him unconditionally. I committed to respect him, even when he doesn’t deserve it. I committed to pray for and encourage him daily. I committed to look up to and submit to him. Not only did I commit myself to this, but it’s what God calls me to do as his wife.
[Ongole, India]
In all honesty, I’ve always thought of myself as a decent wife. I knew I could always do better, but compared to most, I was doing alright. What I didn’t realize, though, is that it doesn’t matter what I think. If Jeremy doesn’t feel respected, I’m not respecting him, regardless of whether I think I am. If Jeremy doesn’t feel loved and encouraged, I’m not fulfilling my role as a godly wife. My perspective of my actions is negated by Jeremy’s view, and more importantly God’s view, of me.
[Nalturu, India]
In these last few weeks God has been reminding me what a godly wife looks like. She is one that fears the Lord, prays for her husband daily, seeks his wisdom on even the small things, respects him and allows him to lead, encourages him daily, and fulfills his needs selflessly. I was not that wife. It is singlehandedly the biggest lesson I’ve learned on the Race thus far. It’s been a hard lesson to learn, but I’m so grateful that it’s only taken me 3 ½ years and not 30.
[Kampala, Uganda]
If I’m being honest, I can say that there are times that I’ve hated being married. I’ve felt like it was a sentence, one I had to carry out for all my life. Other times I’ve loved everything about it. What I’ve learned is this: during the times that I’m fulfilling correctly my role as a wife, marriage is good. When I’m not, I feel that marriage is not good. God intended for marriage to be honoring to Him. He intended for Jeremy to have his role and me to have mine. When we’re fulfilling the roles He’s called us to, marriage can and will be everything we’ve ever dreamed. It won’t always be easy, but it will be right and honoring to our Daddy.
[Kathmandu, Nepal]
Ephesians 5:23-32- “ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
