We stepped off the bus in the Thamel (the tourist area of Kathmandu) to enjoy our rest day from ministry. After mailing off our postcards, we headed towards the restaurant to enjoy an "American" meal. Only minutes after walking out of the post office, a small child, no older than 5, approached us. At first he came to Ginelove, then Steven, onto Jeremy, and lastly to me. His motive? He was asking for money. (upon entering Nepal, we were told to give money to NO beggar, even children, because most likely they were being forced to beg) At first I brushed him off and said "no money", but he persisted. As we passed small food stands, he would point to them and his stomach, and say "hungry". It was difficult to tell him no, yet I just knew that someone was most likely putting him up to begging, which is normal in Nepal. I tried ignoring him, walking faster, talking to Shubas..anything…but when I walked faster, so did he. For 10 minutes he walked beside me holding out his hands in hopes that I would place a few rupees in his hands. The longer he was with me, the bigger the knot in my throat. By the time we reached the end of the sidewalk, and the end of his journey in begging from us, I was fighting back tears with everything I could muster up.
As I turned back to look at him, he had both arms stretched out towards me. My heart absolutely broke. I was able to make it a few more blocks and then my heart could take it no longer. Tears streamed down my face. My heart hurt for this little boy who had begged me for money. My chest and throat were so tight that they physically hurt. He was but a small child and he was asking for money. What if ​he had been one of the few who really needed food? What if​ he was genuine? What ​if​ I missed an opportunity to bless him because I was too scared of what would happen if I gave?
The remainder of the day left me feeling guilty for what I have and what I failed to give. Nepal is the 8th country I have visited, and in every one I have had children beg me for money and food. However, never in those 8 countries has a child left me feeling so brokenhearted. Never have I felt that I genuinely missed the opportunity to give something simple yet life changing to such a precious child. The image of this child holding out his hands will forever be ingrained in my heart.
I walked away from this boy asking God WHY I couldn't just hand him 100 rupees (around $1.10) and be done with it. While my question wasn't answered, I repeatedly heard Him clearly saying one simple statement to me: "Toni, be thankful for what I've given you. You could've been as this small child, living a life as a beggar, but you aren't. Allow this child to remind you of what you have". This blew me away. Even with only my pack to get me through the year, I have more than most. I am truly blessed. My Daddy, through this small child, reminded me of this very important lesson.
Yesterday a kid made me cry, but through it I have found joy.
