Alright, so Ive posted some really intense blogs so far,
which I hope have expressed all the big things God is doing all up in my life,
but I thought y’all might enjoy something a lil more fun. So let me spice it up
for you right here. This is just me being me.
Rollin around the world with Jesus as your tour guide is
bound to stir up some crazy situations. Sometimes you just stop and say to
yourself, “only on the World Race…” So I thought yall would enjoy a lil catalog
of the ridiculous things that happen in the remote corners of the world, just
FYI in case you might travel to such places. Check it.
Wild ‘N Out World Race Style Part 1:
1. 1.When you walk around the streets of Santo
Domingo, Dominican Republic, looking for people to be in a video youre making
about the Kingdom of God, don’t be surprised if you meet some people who want
to have a 3 hour long block party with you, dance to Celine Dion, and have
break-dance showdowns between 7 and 8 year olds
2. 2. On the 9 ½ hour bus ride from Santo Domingo, DR
to Port-au-Prince, Haiti, it is quite possible that your ghetto bus with pink
curtains and exterior trim might have its brakes go out in the middle of
nowhere. While hanging out in the local village, you might meet a loud Domincan
woman who lived in the US for 25 years that wants to tell you all about her
life and let you use her bathroom. Then another woman could walk by who invites
you and your friends to her house and then gives you her business card,
advertising her “special chauffer” profession.
3. 3. If you get the the DR/Haiti border after it
closes, you will have to bribe the officials to get you across so you don’t
have to camp out for the night. If you have 30 people, it will cost you $100.
While youre waiting for your negotiator, you will probably have your bus
surrounded and blocked-in by 5 or 6 “tap-taps,” which are like Haitian taxi
buses and trucks, and then have your bus surrounded by crazy people trying to
sell you stuff and reaching their hands in the windows. Its good to pray at
this point. Hard.
4. 4. When you get to Port-au-Prince, you will
probably get dropped off on some random street and meet a guy in a small Nissan
Frontier who wants to take you and your 6 companions and your luggage/gear for
a year all together to your site. Just throw all the packs in the truck bed and
have 3 of you lay on top of them. The Haitians will love it, and you will have
the craziest ride of your life. Make sure u take some video, you wont wanna
forget it.
5. 5. If you go running in the beautiful hills of
Haiti with some boys from Canaan Orphanage at sunrise, you could easily run
into their friend who’s riding this ticked-off looking donkey. Don’t be shy,
ride that thing, but don’t sit too far forward on him cuz he’ll get mad annoyed
with you and walk you into a tree. Watch those branches.
6. 6. When youre running through those same sweet
hills, just be ready to witness some “excited” horses two days in a row. They
don’t have any privacy up there, so just turn look the other way. The orphan
boys will definitely look and laugh though, so just let them have at it.
7. 7. For your first night in Haiti, you will probably
be asked to go with a bunch of the kids to “get water” from the local pipe in
the ground. Your shoulders and back will get ripped as you lug buckets full of
water on and off the truck for the 2 ½ hour adventure. Don’t leave your
passport in your pocket either, it might get wet. And definitely don’t put your
water bottle in between the huge water cistern (like 200 gallons) when its
full, cuz it will pop that thing like a pimple. I thought Nalgene guaranteed
that you can’t break their bottles?
8. 8. If you like living with orphans, being their
“dad” and taking care them from sun-up till sun-down, then you will love
bathing, clothing, teeth-brushing, and diaper-changing 3-year olds who can’t
remember your name after you’ve been doing so for 3 weeks.
9. 9. One of your biggest challenges of all, however,
will be to see if you can stomach holding down a pig as it gets slaughtered. Watch
out for when it poops during its demise, and wipe the blood off your feet when
your done. You might have some nightmares when you try go to chow down on the
pig for dinner that night.
10. 10. If
you get the chance to go to this ridiculously awesome fresh water spring in the
mountains, called Capiat, don’t listen to ladies when they ask for a drink of
water from your bottle. They really just want to take your bottle for
themselves. They’re pretty tricky
11. 11. When
you get confident enough to run by yourself in the morning, like before the
sunrise at 445 am, don’t get scared when you see a massive animal coming
towards you that you think could be a rhinoceros. Its just a donkey carrying an
insane amount of food to be sold at a market. And watch out for goats that get
loose from their owner.
12. 12. Here’s your biggest word of advice.
Youre gonna get eaten alive by mosquitoes and whatever other weird bugs are
around, and the bites will probably turn in to white heads that you wanna pop.
If youre like me, you will pop them all. This is not the smartest idea, since
germs are crazy there and you will probably contract a massive staff infection
like I did in my knee. Your will barely be able to use that limb for a night,
until you get some antibiotics and aspirin, but its all good, youre in Haiti. If
youre like me, you will pop them all, and some angry germ will get in the open
wound and cause an enormous crater filled with puss, called staff infection.
It’s a blast to pop when its ready after days of antibiotics. Just make sure
youre friends don’t watch too closely cuz they might get shot by the pus when
it bursts out… it’s a mess to clean up.
13. 13. When
you travel in a group, just know that the “tap-tap” drivers will get in fights
over you, cuz they all want to rip you off in their truck; we’re a hot
commodity there.
14. 14. Don’t
bother hiding from the rain. Go play soccer with 30 kids and get drenched.
15. 15. In
the Dominican Republic, watch out for guys that want to rip you off on some
shoes. If you want some used Jordans, the guy sellin ’em for $1300 pesos is not
your man.
16. 16. Don’t
be alarmed either when you walk by a super market and theres a cow chillin
there, cut loose from whatever tree it was attached to. Hes just happy to have
some grass to eat, he wont harm you.
17. 17. Watch
out for creepy Dominican men who walk past your friend and rub his arm…
18. 18. You
will probably also find some crazy Dominican women (40+ yrs old) who will want
to play basketball with you and take your ball and dribble it as you walk. She
really just wants it for her kids though. Just tell her youre sorry but its for
the kids youre going to play with. She’ll understand.
19. 19. Apparently
its cool for young boys and grown men to pee wherever they want, so guys, don’t
bother asking where the bathroom is… just find a nice bush or patch of grass.
20. 20. Last
but not least. When you meet some random guys who speak little English at a
chicken place and they wanna take you to a Christian rap concert, do it! There
might be 2 and half hours of worship, preaching, and whatever else, but the rap
will start by about 130 am… You’ll recognize some of the songs, but definitely
not the Spanish words. You will probably get videotaped as you dance your booty
off too, just love the camera. When will get to do that again? Exactly.
Hope you enjoyed. Ill be updating
this list every so often, so stay tuned for some more ridiculous and crazy
things that are bound to happen when you let Jesus take the wheel of your World
Race tour bus.
One love from God above
