Here I am, 5.5 months into the World Race. I can’t believe it’s been that long already. I can’t believe that I lived in Africa for 3 months, and that I’m starting 2012 off in Thailand. There’s still 5.5 months left to go. I am so thankful and seriously blessed to be here.
So I feel like now is a good time to look back at these past 5 and half months and focus on how God has broken me and reshaped me. He’s definitely done some work on my identity, especially revealing to me that I have believed too many lies for too long. Here’s just a small portion of what I’ve learn so far.
Worship
Putting my hand in the air or clapping was about as intense as I would go with worship. Seeing the way Africans worship has really inspired and challenged me in worship. They love to dance and can worship for hours. I loved being in that atmosphere. It taught me that worship isn’t about just the songs we sing. It’s about inviting the presence of the Lord and Holy Spirit into a space. It’s about thanking the Lord for what He’s done for us. It’s about being consumed by the Spirit and just letting yourself go.
So now jumping and yelling is my max in worship ha. I love it though and I don’t care what you think about it. It’s for the Lord and not for you. Word!
While we’ve been in Thailand, God gave me a revelation about how we worship. A lot of the time our worship selves are different from our regular selves. This struck me because shouldn’t we be the same? He made me realize that during worship we are different. We are more confident and our hearts are focused directly on the Lord. Man, I wish we could live like that always! It’s like when we leave worship we still have a bit of that experience left on us, but it takes no time for that to rub off. So now I want to copy and paste the feelings and heart posture I have during worship and carry that with me everywhere I go. I want to live like I worship.
Receiving
In the World Race culture, we do this thing called feedback. It’s kool. Basically it’s a way for all of us to challenge and encourage each other in our walks. It’s meant to be a time to reflect on each other and speak life over each other (that means say good stuff that we see in people). All of this is to be done out of love. This is where I struggled with feedback. Receiving love from other people has been an issue for me for so long. I’ve relied on myself to long to be the only person I could receive love from. This is something I’m still working on, but it’s in God’s hands and I’ll let you know more about it when that time comes.
Rest
I’ve been go, go, go for most of my life. I felt like if I rested then things wouldn’t get done. I felt responsible for so much that I had no authority over. Resting to me meant that I was lazy. I was afraid of being lazy, so I never rested. I realized really quick that you can’t go 11 months without resting.
Being a missionary on the World Race is physically, emotionally and spiritually draining. We are constantly pouring ourselves out to fill people up. At the same time, we are walking everywhere and doing service for other people. That’ll get ya tired. More tired than you’ve ever been. Even though I was tired, I still didn’t want to rest. I took on the responsible that I had to be an example for my team. I had to be the alpha male who never took time off. That’ll get ya even more tired than the tiredest you ever been. I needed to rest, but I wouldn’t let myself admit that. I was able to get through all of Africa with that belief, but I hit a wall once we got to the Philippines. It was all catching up with me. I needed to deal with the problem. I needed to just admit that I couldn’t go any further until I rested. After fighting myself for a while, I finally did.
Resting is vital because it fills me back up. I’m not doing anyone any good if I’m empty and unable to fill them up. I need to rest in order to be prepared for what’s coming my way. I found that when I was tired, I was more vulnerable to the enemy’s lies. I can’t have that. So in the end I got over my pride and humbled myself and allowed myself to rest. I took rest in the Lord, and He rewarded me by filling me back up.
Perspective
This one will have to come later. It’s good though, I promise.
