When I was young “Jesus Loves Me” was one of my favorite songs. Its simple lyrics and catchy melody made it a constant on my lips. I also delighted in reciting Bible verses such as John 3:16 (For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.). This song and verse, along with the many others that decorated my childhood, taught about God’s love for me. I feel I have known about God’s love all my life but it is only recently that I can say I know God’s love.
In early August I went to Atlanta for the World Race training camp. I spent ten days in the Georgia heat learning about my teammates and the countries we will visit together. During the week I was exposed to new forms of worship and different ways of relating to God. As the week continued I found myself frustrated with these new experiences and my lack of understanding. I was struggling to find the balance in trusting God while exploring these new ideas. I was confused and a little scared. One morning while journaling I wrote:
We were asked to pray this prayer: “God, do anything you need to do in me so that you can do everything you want to do through me.” I want desperately to surrender myself to God but I find myself pulling back. I am scared to let go and have God in control. I think I am afraid that God does not truly love me or have my best interests at heart. I preach God’s love but don’t know if I really know it myself. God, I want to know that you love me. I need to know your love.
There was something very freeing yet terrifying about admitting this to myself.
Later that day a man and woman asked if they could pray for me. I had never met this couple before but their kindness welcomed me as if we were old friends. The woman began by acknowledging how much I had been stretched that week and how great it was that I was an explorer seeking God’s truth when things were difficult. She prayed that I would find peace in God’s truth. Then her husband began to pray. He told me not to be afraid. He said that God was the great adventurer and he would lead me. Then he said, “God likes you. He really likes you.” His prayer continued but I didn’t hear much else. These words just sounded in my ears. God really likes me. Four words changed everything.
In the four weeks since camp ended I have been reigniting my relationship with God. My prayers have become far less mechanical and more conversational. I’m talking with a caring friend. I find myself stipping during the day and saying, “Hi God,” or ” God did you see that?!” For years I have known God with my head and now my heart knows him too. I am eager to see where our friendship goes from here.
