As I am preparing to leave the country, I am trying to make sure I don't miss anything before I leave. I am especially concerned with all the relationships I will be leaving behind, and I have been anxious to spend quality time with everyone before I finally do depart. The only problem with this is, not everyone seems interested in spending quality time with me. When this truth hits me, my immediate response it to think, "Why doesn't this person respond? What have I done to alienate them?" So, as you can imagine, I've been quite agitated because I really want to make sure I don't leave with unresolved issues in relationships.
In putting forth the extra effort to make contact and reconcile with everyone, I began to become frustrated since I wasn't making any headway. I was striving to make everything right, but there are just some people I couldn't even begin to talk to, let alone spend quality time with. Yet, I was determined, and I continued in this pursuit until my repeated failures began to pile up and consume my thoughts constantly. More and more I realized I was failing to achieve the things I most earnestly desired, and it was exhausting.
Through a series of events and conversations, I began to understand that it's not good to be anxious like this, striving all the time. Go figure. I wasn't accomplishing anything, in fact I was just making the situation worse. So, I abandoned it. I gave it all to God. I confessed that I was just making a mess, was unable to 'fix' these relationships, and if anything was going to happen, God would have to do it. I gave up all responsibility for my relationships to Him – the One who is the relationship expert. On top of this, I believed that God would actually take what I gave Him – responsibility for my relationships.
As a result of all this, something wonderful has happened. No, the people I have been anxious about haven't contacted me. But perhaps something more wonderful has happened – the people that I spend time with every day are telling me things that leave me wondering what is going on. Complete strangers have been telling me their hurts, hopes and dreams. Coworkers have been pouring the mess of their lives out before me, telling me things that they keep secret in their hearts. I have no idea what to do with this. I don't know what to say, or how to react. So, I just say whatever normal, boring thing comes to mind. Then, I'll talk to God about it. "God, so-and-so told me this amazingly vulnerable fact, it's heartbreaking. Is there any good news for this person? How do I share it with them?"
I've been pondering why this is, and I suppose since I've cast my burdens on the Lord, I have an uncluttered mind and a quiet spirit. Somehow I think people just sense this, they are able to approach me unguarded and unload on me. There's probably a lot more to it than that, but in all of this God is teaching me how amazingly powerful it is to simply wait on Him. When there's a problem, don't think about it – don't address it immediately, tell it to God and then wait.
The bible has some amazing things to say about waiting:
From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Behold, I send forth the promise of my Father on you. But wait in the city of Jerusalem until you are clothed with power from on high. Luke 24:49
Christians always seem to talk about the power of prayer, but what about the power of waiting? Seems like waiting is packed with spiritual dynamite. I think this is because, when we finally get over ourselves and admit our nearsightedness and inability, and instead choose to allow God to take care of the things we are unable to even touch, then waiting gives God more honor and glory than any other action we could accomplish. And this is true too – waiting is an action, it is something we do, it is a choice we make, to be still and direct our eyes expectantly to the God of all power and wisdom, and then simply follow His lead. Wow, what a privilege to sit and wait!
