It’s been ten years. Ten years since I made a profession of faith in Jesus Christ in the woods of Northern Michigan. I was thirteen years old then and the gospel was not something new to me. I had heard it a thousand times growing up in a christian family that forced me through the church doors every Sunday. I say forced because, let’s be honest, as a kid the last thing you want to do is sit in a crowded sanctuary and listen to some old guy preach for 45 minutes. Looking back now, I’m thankful my parents knew better than I did and I’m extremely thankful for those “old guys.” Despite all the Godly influences in my life, it wasn’t until my first of many weeks at summer camp that I finally allowed God into my life.
I remember that moment and everything about it like it was yesterday. I remember the joy and the excitement I felt after letting down my walls. Most of all, I remember the change that occurred in me. I was such an angry kid; angry at the world, my parents, my siblings, angry at anyone who bothered to interrupt my life at the time. In an instant, it all changed. When I got home from camp, my first instinct was to hug my sister which sent shock waves through my parents. Never before had I ever showed the slightest bit of affection to my siblings, especially my sister, but something had changed. When Sunday rolled around, my parents found themselves forcing me less and less to get up and get ready for church. Why? For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to be there! I started enjoying the fellowship of fellow believers and began to show interest in the programs offered by my church. When I was old enough, there was no where else I’d rather be on Sunday night than at youth group. I eagerly joined Bible Quizzing when it started at my church and I was happy to memorize God’s word and more than happy to give up one Saturday a month to compete over what we had memorized. When our youth group went on a missions trip to North Dakota, I relished the chance to go and serve God in another part of the country and my time there left me with a desire to do even more. I had a fire in my heart and I absolutely loved where God was taking me. Then, almost as instantly as it had before, everything changed. I was so proud of where my life was and the fact that I stood apart from most people my age. I was so proud that I forgot who it really was doing all these amazing things in my life. I lost sight of the reason I wanted to change in the first place. I took my eyes off of the ultimate prize just long enough that I became blind to the fact that without his help and his presence in my life, I was powerless to do or to be anything good. I spent so much time going through the motions that I convinced so many people I was really a good, Christian young man. Worst of all I convinced myself. “When you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” Paul’s words may have been directed at the church in Corinth but they were a warning I wish I had listened to.
Even after being exposed to God’s perfect truth and seeing what it did in my life, I still found myself caught in sin. I knew what God asked of me but I still wasn’t willing to give him everything. There was one part of my life, one lust of my flesh, that I was unwilling to give up and quit indulging. I knew it would destroy me if I let it and yet, I couldn’t bring myself to give it to God and just stop. It started at an early age and the longer I let it into my life, the larger its control over me grew. I knew all of this, but I continued to willingly fall. Finally, the sin in my life did what sin always does; it got in the way of my walk with God and convinced me to willingly walk away from him. I gave myself over to one sin, and many more came into my life. When someone very dear to me walked out of my life, I chose to get angry instead of asking why and running back to God. The anger was back and it dragged me down to new lows. When lust alone wasn’t enough to mask the pain, drinking entered my life. Soon two addictions weren’t enough and my smoking started. Before I knew it, sin had a complete stranglehold on my entire life. Everything I did was out of some selfish, evil desire. There was a short time when I thought I could change everything myself. I thought the power to change who I was came from me and all I had to do was try my best to be better. I was so far from the truth. My foolishness and sinful heart just led to more pain. I hurt the person closest to me and completely lost my way. This went on for years and all the while God was right there waiting for me. I had opportunity after opportunity to be honest with myself and run back to him but I was far too proud. I was ashamed of where my sin had led me and yet too proud to admit it.
Looking back on where my life was, I have no idea why God chose to intervene and work in me. I can’t tell you what his reasoning was, and to be quite honest, I don’t need to know. All I know is he did work in me and without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. The anger that controlled my life slowly disappeared, I had no idea why at the time but now I can tell you that God softened my heart and replaced my anger with hope. This hope led me to repentance and I began to eagerly search for God, although I had no idea how to go about it. I was given the chance to attend a conference for young, Christian adults which completely changed my thinking and encouraged me to continue seeking God. I thought back to when I felt closest to God and it dawned on me that I always felt a strange kind of peace when I was serving in some way so I began to pray for a chance to serve and get out of my comfort zone. I had something here at home in mind but God had much different plans. Just a few months after he brought me to repentance and showed me a grace that I couldn’t deny any longer, I was led to Tanzania, Africa. That trip changed my life, but God didn’t stop there. In three weeks I will be leaving for the Dominican Republic on a short term trip and as if that wasn’t enough, God has also led me to be a part of the World Race. A year ago, I never would have even dreamed of these opportunities but now, they’re a reality. I can’t thank him enough for the grace he showed me. I ran so far from God and yet he saw fit to bring me back to himself. I can take no credit for anything that has happened in my life, or anything that will happen for that matter. It’s all him. It’s all Christ. I owe him everything. It took a long, painful path for me to finally grasp that truth, but I promise you I’ll never forget it.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
