At the beginning of February we arrived in Nepal we met our ministry contact, Abi (not his real name) and after that first day I had a strong inkling that miscommunication was going to happen all month and that chances were, effective ministry was unlikely to happen. But from the beginning of the Race, I had determined to stay in a posture of surrender, to be open to what God would have for us, especially when time after time on Race the circumstances we were placed in were simply not in my control. We do not choose our ministry assignment. We do not choose our ministry contact. There have been lots of times on the Race where it just felt like our time was being wasted, but we were obligated to show up faithfully at the place we were assigned.
So we were told, we’d stay a week in a town, spend a night in a village, and then go on a 3-day hike through the Himalayas to a remote village. We’d stay there 6 days, and then come back to the town for one more week of ministry. What ended up unfolding was daily, not knowing where we were going, or what was expected of us once we arrived. Then arriving and doing what we could, but feeling like it was hardly anything. After 3 days of this kind of ministry, we left for the hike. Thinking that perhaps that was where there would be more ministry opportunities. We pushed hard, struggling to keep going as our energies waned more and more each day.
When we arrived most of us were struggling internally. At the moment I was still in a place of surrender, and saw in our journey the opportunity to experience what modern day missionaries go through to bring the gospel to unreached people. The Chapang who lived there were an unreached people group up until 4 years ago. It had only been 30 years since any of them had stopped living in caves and settled in villages. Abi did this journey at least every month to encourage the church and further the ministry. He was planning to return to a village that had threatened kill him last time he went. He has worked to build a local church, started a small school in the church, and does what he can to help the people with their everyday needs (blankets, clothing, etc). Everything is labor intensive because you have to carry all supplies on foot. He does all of this in the face of great discomfort and sacrifice.
We thought we’d paint, perhaps teach, and do some home visits. It ended up being 5 days of mostly sitting on our sleeping pads huddling to stay warm. It rained, so it was too muddy to hike to homes. The construction was being done by the Nepalese people there. There were moments where we taught, spoke at church, and we spent about 2 hours one day painting a mural. Our team leader did quite a lot of painting and some cooking. But all in all it was lots of sitting around.
In a way I wasn’t surprised. I’d heard this type of thing happens on the Race. I tried to maintain a spirit of contentment and surrender. We went back to Hetauda and as I began to process our experience, I started to realize that while I’d been aiming for a spirit of surrender, I had somehow over the remaining couple days slid into a place where I’d instead simply stopped caring. It was born out of feeling helpless about the situation and hopeless about it getting any better. It was more that I was fatalistic than surrendered.
But in that moment, I realized something different. I realized that I need God to even have the right perspective about things. I can aim for surrender, but without God I will simply over-correct and land somewhere I don’t mean to. That I can give myself talks to make myself feel better about situations, but truly having my heart and attitude in the right place takes reliance on God. I spent most of the month, feeling ready to be home, but telling myself that surely God has a reason for keeping me on the World Race for another 4 months. It was a mantra that I repeated to myself, which honestly didn’t work.
Leaving Nepal, the main lesson was that it’s not good enough trying to be “there” all the time. I want to have the right perspective and heart about everything, but the truth is I don’t. I hate the moments I have a bad attitude about something, but I can’t really help it. Reliance for me is beginning to look more like being honest about where I am, asking to be brought to where He wants me to be and then waiting for Him to do it. At the end of the month, I started asking for a heart change, and here in Romania, almost 2 weeks later I’m starting to sense it shift. And the experience is completely different from the times I look at my own heart and mind and try to fix it by giving myself pep talks. This time it’s more real. It’s more honest. And it shows me another way that I am dependent on God.
