Inside of me a war is always going on. It's mostly motivated by how much I care, and how much I want to do the right thing, but it leads to constant painful agonizing indecision.
In an effort to be intentional and deliberate, I am always thinking about whether to do something, and how to do something, what it means if I do something one way instead of another and so on.
One of the holdups I had while I making a decision about the World Race, was the fundraising. Not in the way that you think, because the dollar amount actually seemed very reachable. It really isn't about the money for me. It was litany of other things.
Maybe I should just earn the money to go…I'm pretty sure I could do that. I hate bothering people.
Isn't life in community one of the things your learning? How does you trying to do all of this on your own teach you any of that? It matters that you not try to go it alone.
Don't people already get appeals for support all the time? They're busy, and already inundated with things to read and respond to. I don't want to give them yet another thing…
God will put it on peoples' heart to pray, give and most importantly encourage in unexpected and beautiful ways. This process is part of the journey and just as important.
I hate feeling defensive, like I need to give a justification for why I'm going. If I wasn't fundraising, I wouldn't have to. I feel so vulnerable putting myself out there.
Just share the heart behind why you're going. Invite people to come along with you on the journey. God writes the story of your life to make something known about Himself. Let Him be the one responsible for doing that.
It took two months after I got accepted to go, but I finally I took the leap, my misgivings never completely assuaged. It's only been a week, and I've already cried twice… It's painful in ways I didn't expect, but also good.
Coming soon…How I was called to the Mission Field or How this all happened…
