A few weeks ago we got the information about our return home at the end of May. I’ll be flying from Turkey to New York and then straight to San Francisco and will arrive late on Friday, May 30th.
My imagination began to drift toward what life would be like when I would return and the plans I had already began to set into motion and been content with for the last several months. However, something about booking my flight home made the plans more real and I had this growing discontent whenever I thought about what I had planned for the future.
So I began to pray. I found myself saying, I probably have 30 years of working years left if not more and I want my work to contribute to something more, to tackle the problems of humanity. I wanted to be part of an institution that exists to serve others. Before the Race, I had a job and worked there as unto the Lord (well hopefully) and prioritized being available to people relationally and serve my community and church as needs came up. But, now I wanted more; I wanted to expend the bulk of my energies toward something bigger than myself. I started dreaming of a different way to spend my days. I started asking myself questions. I started asking God for vision.
I asked myself what I truly believe humanity needs most when it dawned on me that it’s obvious, it’s knowledge and relationship with the one true God. There is no other cause that draws me more; no other thing I think can bring about transformation on an individual, social and global level. I laugh now because it seems obvious in hindsight, but for so long now I’ve thought that I must not care that much about this because as I looked at my actions, it has always seemed that I must care primarily about helping Christians live out the implications of the gospel. Then this last 9 months, I’ve never been able to muster much enthusiasm for any of the ministry assignments given to me, even the ones where God moved in tangible and powerful ways. While being on the frontline with local ministries, I was mostly unmoved. The only time ministry had been life-giving were the 4 days I worked in the kitchen team for Parent Vision Trip because I was able to serve and get to know the parents of people on my squad and because I love, love, love families.
And yet, though month after month, the daily work of ministry produced no enthusiasm in me, there were all these little moments that had left an indelible impression. I remembered Pastor Chhinho in Cambodia. His father told him one day that they were Christian, so they didn’t worship in temples, but for years that’s all he knew about God. Then one day a broadcast teaching Scripture from the Philippines was discovered and that was where he learned about God. I remember this story brother Abishek told in Nepal. There was a man who knew Jesus was God, but that was all. He prayed that someone would come and teach him about the one true God. Then one day 20 years later, brother Abishek who had been climbing the Himalaya’s to bring the gospel to remote villages came to his and taught him about God. I remember the story of our driver in India, the terrorist turned pastor. So many people, so many stories …
Out of these memories, I discovered buried deep in my heart a passion for foreign missions, a passion for people and places where the gospel has had little to no penetration and the desire to use whatever strength I have left bringing the gospel to these places.
I had considered being a missionary in my youth. Then I went to a mission’s conference, heard about the indigenous missionary movements like GFA, did a cost-benefit analysis and decided it was better for me to stay stateside. Especially in light of the fact that I didn’t sense any call to go because I do realize that God does not necessarily care most about efficiency. Over the years I would give him chances to call me abroad, I did a short-term trip to India, I helped a missionary when I lived in China, then I came on the World Race and every time I’d say I didn’t see myself being the one to go. It seemed the only other role was to give financially and to pray.
I realized in Cambodia that I enjoyed having more of an involvement in foreign missions. Then this last year I’ve been reading more carefully the blogs and newsletters of people involved in missions. All to say, it has only just dawned on me that surely there is a place for me in the cause of foreign missions stateside and that it’s ok that it’s not in the frontline. I can serve it from a different place, just like people can serve education without being teachers or health without being doctors.
I’m really grateful because this has helped me understand all the moments these last 9 months that have seemed totally pointless and without purpose. Now when I think about going home and the future, I am excited as I watch and wait in anticipation of how God will unfold all that is to come.
