Dear Beloved Community,
It’s been over a year since I sent the last newsletter and it’s been on my heart to update you on what’s been going on since I left Adventures in Missions and Georgia in November of 2016. So here goes!
After my goodbyes, I went on a cruise to Europe with my family. Ever since the World Race, I had in my heart to fulfill my Mom’s dream to travel and see the world. So we began taking her on cruises every year. It’s not my favorite way to travel because you don’t get much time in country, but it works for mom because she sees the world but doesn’t have to think about logistics too much. We also took Mom on another cruise in Jan 2018 to New Zealand and spent time in Sydney Australia.
When I first arrived in San Francisco, I found myself feeling sluggish and tired. It’s like the adrenaline of the past 2 years wore off. I had many travel plans, so I only made efforts to re-connect with my closest friends and family. In total I went to New Zealand and Sydney with family, went to Korea with a best friends family, and solo traveled to Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines and China and returned home in the middle of May.
I had bought a one-way ticket, and planned to simply keep traveling until I found myself no longer wanting to. It turns out that I was ready to go home after a month and ultimately traveled for two. Lots of people asked me if I was going for missions. My answer was no, but God is with me and I still pray that He opens doors for me to share my faith with those who don’t know Him. He was in the end so faithful in that and I’d meet up with random people everywhere an inevitably talk about life and therefore faith.
Travel Highlights:
Korea: I came away realizing what a miracle the restoration of Korea was, considering how war-torn it had been not long ago. I also really began to enjoy my friends’ kids and gained understanding into her family dynamics since I spent so much time with her family. We traveled to the DMZ, and realized how dangerously close the line was to Seoul. One of my favorite God moments was how a FB post led to reconnecting with a childhood friend I hadn’t seen in 15-ish years. I had pleaded for her soul when she stopped walking with God in high school, and in our time of catching up, it seemed that God had held onto her and was drawing her back. It was a moment of seeing the answer to a long forgotten prayer, and also a realization of how my life had bore witness to God over the years for her via FB and social media, even though we hadn’t spoken in years.
Japan: In Japan I visited Konohana, a spiritual intentional community and was inspired to dream of one day also doing life in a way that is overall more communal. I’ve long been fascinated by models of communal living and and later visited a Christian one in SF called Church of the Sojourners and listened to a Ted talk on the co-housing movement. Western living values personal space and privacy, yet leads to isolation, but communal living brings back the experience of having a village where there are more things that are shared and frequent informal interactions in daily coming and goings. The kids are watched by a variety of adults, and are obedient and learn quickly because routines are modeled by the other kids. It was amazing to behold the peacefulness with which they went about their daily lives. I also spent time in Yushukan and read for myself the very different perspective of their part in WWII, ultimately saying the seeds of war were started by the West when they forced their way into Japan in the early 1900s. That ultimately the West had humiliated them as a nation and then modeled for them how to exercise power by seizing land.
Taiwan: I met Jane, a college friend of my bff, who I’d heard about for years and spent most of my time with her. She had recently awakened to the need to be more of community organizer and activist. She and I had similar interests and would talk often about things of meaning and purpose, though we would differ as well. In the end she shared that she had been deeply touched in my short time there, for which I am grateful.
Philippines: I stayed at this beautiful and cheap resort and after a lengthy travel day went exploring on a moped. While driving it, I’d think about how mom wouldn’t be happy knowing I had rented one. My first day out I met Ryan, and he became my friend and guide. By the time I left, I had watched him climb a coconut tree, gone canyoneering, eaten amazing bbq, swam with whale sharks, sang karaoke and met so many of his friends who all treated me like long-lost family. I was amazed at the warmth they showered on me and it’s to this day one of my favorite experiences while traveling.
China: In China, I spent time with my dad and some relatives. I had originally considered traveling on to India or even visiting a World Race squad, but the weather was starting to get really warm and I found myself really missing the routines of home. So I ended up heading back to SF. I noticed that when traveling, my disciplines and rhythms get thrown off, so I’ve realized that I’m healthiest when not away for more than a month.
2nd Half of 2017
Overall 2017 was wonderful because I took a sabbatical and so it was largely a time of rest and renewal. Between the World Race, life in the South, cruising and traveling my health and weight had really been off track. So shortly after returning home from traveling, I shifted my lifestyle dramatically. Monitoring carefully my intakes, cooking and exercising 5x a week and am now the healthiest I’ve been in years.
The rest of 2017 was rich in quality time with others. I would re-connect with old friends and have long catch up sessions on all that had transpired in their heart and lives in the past 4-5 years. I also found myself in a place of deep listening, and started even drawing back from my favorite activities and people in order to have extended times of solitude, time in the Word, silence, worship and prayer. So my life took on a very different feel from all of the seasons of the past. I met each day with openness, receptive to what God might bring – I simply would ATL- life. It was much more spontaneous and unscheduled. I took many more afternoon naps and became less hurried. I got to know my mailman, my librarian, the lady at the gas station, a neighbor, my Zumba instructor and people at the gym. There were so very many kairos moments I was able to take advantage of. Mission and purpose became simply to love God and love others. People were receptive because in the end everyone wants to be cared about, seen and loved.
Through that time I meditated often on the gifts of the single life. The best of which is time, glorious, luxurious time. I reveled in it, savored it and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’ve learned to recognize how precious these things are because they don’t last forever. Most of my friends in contrast were learning to savor the precious years when their kids are little and sweet, knowing that it too would be over too soon. I had learned from Rob Reimer the concept of the soul dashboard, and I’ll make adjustments when I notice things falling into the yellow zone. My love tank is full to overflowing because I get so much quality time with people and God.
My childhood best friend Jaz’s father passed away in March. I have memories of him when I was 7 years old. He was this giant teddy bear of a black man and He adored His daughter. I’ve never seen a man shower his baby girl with love like that. When we dropped her off in LA to go to college, we both wept on the drive back home we were gonna miss her so much. It was with deep sadness that I heard the news. But somewhere in that, it deepened my gratitude for Christ because He changes the experience of mourning for us. For in Him we have the promise of reunion. I also saw a piece of advice that struck me and that I have followed often. It says next time you are with a loved one, pretend momentarily that they are actually gone from your life and that you are just remembering this ordinary moment with them. Our time with those we love is not guaranteed and it’s enabled me to know to cherish them while I have them. Finding more gladness in the opportunities to serve them, knowing that there will come a day where I’ll wish there was something I could do for them.
I’ve applied that most to my family of origin because I live with them and they need my help often. My family experienced several challenges in 2017. Towards the end of the year my mother was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer, my sister-in-law, Esther was diagnosed with uterine cancer, my aging non-believing father spoke often about having no real hope for the future, my younger brother had a very significant break-up, and my older brother hurt his back and couldn’t lift heavy things. Yet out of that, I found things for my dad to engage in, my brother and I started having heart-to-hearts for the first time in our lives, and Esther experienced a deep renewal in her walk with the Lord and we became much closer. Also the week after her surgery, I was home to help with her recovery and ended up understanding for the first time some of my mother’s stories. Mom had told them to me before, but my Chinese is not that good. So in spending that much time with Esther and because Chinese is her native tongue she explained the stories in a way that I finally understood. Having that understanding ultimately changed the dynamics between me and my mom. All in all my once self-sufficient, self-reliant, family became vulnerable and needy. Suddenly I was the strongest person in the family but I found myself grateful to be in the position to serve them. I also had 6 new relatives immigrate to the US and overall have tried to spend more time with the extended family than I used to.
One of the projects I worked on was turning the common space into a place of rest and beauty. Our home as always felt cluttered, ugly, there were random tools everywhere, and everything was a mishmosh. At first I simply went through and got rid of a bunch of stuff and re-organized the furniture. This process was exceedingly slow because most of it was mom’s or my brothers. When I moved his stuff to his space, his wife got really angry. Mom also worked week-days so there was only a small window of time on the weekends where we could gain any ground. Combined with her age, it took so very long. But I had resolved to be patient in this process, though I failed at that often. Because the last time I tried to declutter, I made everyone angry, as I would scold them for hoarding, and throw stuff away without asking. So this time, I tried to work with them and understand that they simply have other priorities besides clearing out the house. We still had conflict but it was mild in comparison. After the first re-org I still was unsatisfied and ultimately decided to dump all the furniture and start over.
I’d met a woman named Kirsten at a dinner. During the ice breaker, everyone shared an #ask and a #give. My #ask was needing help with interior design and she had the time and ability to come and help. Her #ask was baby clothes for her soon to be adopted son, so I got baby things from my mom friends. In those 6 weeks we became good friends and the space was transformed. I have my Georgia friends to thank for that. They really showed me how much environment changes atmospheres and the beauty of hospitality. I also started hosting dinners more, and facilitating them in a way that hopefully led to further connections. #Asks and #Gives where people try to serve one another lead to deeper connections and friendships.
Meanwhile my church from before, RealitySF felt so big and I kept hearing how community was hard to break into, that we had a waitlist for people to get into community groups. I’d also struggled with how much of the manpower, time and finances go towards the production of the service, where house church seemed to have so much less overhead that they could give more. I’d heard about WeAreChurch, a network of house churches started by Francis Chan and started going. This was a beautiful community. My favorite part were the frequent invitations to serve and having that be a big part of how we spend time together. This was especially poignant during the North Bay Fires, because during that week the destruction felt too overwhelming for me to even pray about. So volunteering for Salvation Army in Northbay that first week, actually did help me get unstuck. There were frequent impromptu gatherings for worship, we held a Thanksgiving VBS which was a blast, and they were creative and extravagant sometimes in the way that they loved one another. And the generosity. Wow. There was a ministry we were introduced to called Children in Christ, that teaches 250,000 kids about God in Northern Africa. It is also reaching unreached people groups through these kids clubs and last year reached 190+ new groups. The elders prayed about an offering and came up with a goal of $250K, which is huge considering the church has maybe 150-200 people. In the end they gave $302K. When I asked how that was possible, it turns out that members tithe to their house churches, but the overhead is so low that they save most of it. So for the offering most of the churches emptied or nearly emptied all their savings. Craziness. But I loved it.
However in the end, the longer I was home and the more I re-connected with people I started noticing they were all from RealitySF. Ultimately I realized it was the place that felt like home. I also felt burdened for all the newcomers, struggling to find community and would reach out to them and try to bring them in. More and more I realized that the people I actually do life with and the people I have a burden to serve are at Reality. And also that different churches reach different parts of the body, and that each model has its strengths and weaknesses. So I let the leaders know I was going to transition out and returned to Reality in late December. Still I’m glad I went because now that I’ve seen a little more of what’s out there, I return with a sense of commitment that it’s where I’m supposed to be.
The time with WeAreChurch was meaningful because of all that I learned and saw. The other promising thing that came from it is that I’m now considering working for Children in Christ (CIC). Ever since the Race, I’d asked God to let my labor to go towards the cause of bringing the gospel to places where people have no access. It is for me what the world needs most. And as a Christian, I recognize that all other people don’t believe that, so they will not work for or give to that cause. But it’s hard to find because ministries typically don’t exist in the Bay Area because of the high cost. And I sensed that I was supposed to be here in SF and so didn’t know how to proceed. Secondly I don’t have relationships with the organizations I know of that do that anyways. So what I was seeking was work that was #1. Making the Gospel available where it’s not, #2 Could be done from SF #3 Used my strengths and abilities.
But then through We Are Church, I got to know Jen, the volunteer CEO of CIC. I shared my heart and she said there were already things that where she could use someone with my unique abilities. So I’m super excited about that, and it feels like there’s an alignment that I hadn’t been able to find before. It’s truly one of the most incredible ministries I’ve ever heard of! It costs less than $7 per year per child to disciple a child. For $35/month you can have 50 kids evangelized and discipled.
I’ve started to care more about the foster kids. I dream someday, if I can live in an intentional community or something of taking a couple in. There’s something about those who are alone in the world that tugs at my heart. For now, though I hope to simply be in relationship with one. Knowing that one relationship can give them a sense of security and stability and make all the difference in their life trajectory. So I’ve gone through the training to be a foster mentor with Braid and am waiting to be assigned. I also am looking into volunteering at the neighborhood school, it has a Chinese immersion program and there’s a role called Parent Liaison which cultivates community and connection among the parents, that looks interesting to me. (Can you see a theme?) Plus the hope is, it’ll help me know and love my neighbors. I also met with two YWAM missionaries who’s full time pursuit is loving their neighbors. They have been doing that for 5 years and they seem interested in coming alongside to encourage me (possibly as informal mentors) as I continue with that. I’m also about to take Perspectives next week. It seems like a good time, in order to connect more with the those who care about missions in San Francisco.
I also went back to leading my women’s group (TWG). TWG has been going on for 10 years and even while I was in Georgia, I would skype in to stay connected to them. This year we went through the Enneagram, and started a practice of gathering to talk to God about where we are in front of each other. It led to people learning how to be more real with Him. I’d also felt confident that as a community we were in a place where we could bring healing to those who needed it, because of the ways we are able to be real, raw and vulnerable with each other. I’d met a few women who had experienced painful loss and reached out for them to come. Another woman who’d been part of the group moved away, and her departure message to our group of how she had grown and changed was so encouraging.
Overall as I look at my community and the lives of those I’ve walked closely with all these years, I find myself continually growing in admiration for them and being proud of how they’ve continued to fight the good fight. One of the best parts of bearing witness to each others lives for so long is that we’re able to see the goodness and wisdom of Jesus in the way He works to form us. The ways His grace has sustained us in the valleys, how He restores us after we’ve been broken and how He has dealt with our longings and our dreams. We are there to remind each other of the miracle stories, lend each other our faith, encourage each other when we’re downcast, and celebrate the breakthroughs. It’s raw, real and messy but oh so very beautiful.
I recently started going to Community Bible Study. It’s similar to BSF, and what excites me about it is that there are older women from churches all over SF who attend, since RealitySF is demographically very young. I’d been getting prophetic words that the Lord would open up the Scriptures to me, and needed a way to dig in, at a time that worked well. So when I walked in, it was clear I was supposed to be there.
Something God has said to me often is “Seek First the Kingdom” and what that has meant for me is to pay attention to where I see God working. Not fretting about the things that appear to be dormant. In terms of cultivating relationships with those outside the church, and with neighbors and connecting more deeply with family, there’s been so many opportunities. It has really just been about being aware and interruptible as I go about my life. I randomly have talked about God while out dancing for example. I’m so close to my family right now, I serve them with more gladness and we understand each other so much better. Esther and I have recently started praying for them more. God has also overall been encouraging me in prayer. I’ve started asking people how to pray for them more regularly and God has encouraged this by showing me how He has answered them when I have prayed. I don’t get much done day-to-day because I don’t have deadlines for most things. I work on them, but if someone interrupts me or there’s an opportunity to connect or be relational, I’ll pause for the person. All through this year, he’s given me vision for how to be and live and each day is filled with purpose. I continue to have favor, open doors and ideas of things to implement. I feel so alive.
So that’s what’s been going on. I’m happy to report that after 3 years of life with Adventures in Missions, that a year out, I’ve become what they set out to have me become: A Kingdom person who has intimacy with Jesus, who is actively taking on the Father’s mission and doing that together with others in healthy community.
