One of the big adjustments on the Race is that for the most part all the details of my life are decided by someone else- who I live and work with, what my “job” is, what my schedule is, how full my schedule is, where I live, the conditions I live in, what I eat, how much food I am allotted, where I can go, what information I’m given, when I’m told those things, the process for how all these things happen. Most of the time the decisions are good enough but the last few days I was feeling dissatisfied with the how little downtime there had been and especially how I had no control over that fact. Other people had not been getting quite enough food. Then I started thinking about the things that I don’t think are handled very well when I am someone who values process improvement and before long I was starting to feel quite grumpy about it all.
So, after a few days of this, I started to play the Thankful Game and I was reminded of the way I became a Christian. (It really does help to make you feel better) I was 12 and a friend had invited me to her church, which was filled with other Asian youth. The church van would pick us all up every week and I had been going for a few months when one day a woman I had never met pulled me aside during service and presented the gospel. I don’t remember the words, but I remember interpreting them as in effect saying, “Do you want to go to heaven?” I said “Well…yeah…Sure.” She said pray after me, and I prayed a prayer accepting Jesus into my heart. She brought me into service and I don’t remember ever speaking to her again. A few months later it occurred to me that I should get a Bible, so I took what little money I had and purchased one at the store.
I eventually switched churches, and felt like it took a long long time of trying to be a good Christian before eventually understanding the grace that was the gospel. In my memory I always considered that time in my life as an example of evangelism done poorly and there had been a part of me that was bitter at the pain I had experienced because I didn’t know or understand His grace. I mean I was a Christian! I would think how I never wanted anyone to ever go through that and made up my mind to do things differently. There had been no follow-up, I had been left to figure it out on my own primarily by listening to sermons at church and for that reason I had always had a much higher value for discipleship, and helping believers grow in understanding after they come to faith.
I saw it that way into my early 30s, and then one day I re-connected with a guy that I had met once several years ago. It turned out that he had been going to the church where I had become a Christian and invited me to come. My recollection of that time was so hazy, but I wanted to go and see what had become of this church, and maybe even meet the woman who had prayed with me. I went and met Melvin the leader of this church, a man in his 50s. I learned that he and another guy had been in college when they saw that no one was reaching the Asian youth of San Francisco and decided to reach out to them. For years and years they rented space, set up on Saturday’s, and picked kids up to go to church. Both have been bi-vocational for the next 20+ years and never went for formal training. They sacrificed all of their time that youth would know the gospel. Melvin never married – he said there was no time. As I listened to his story, I was so humbled I wanted to cry.
In that moment I saw how even though I thought it was done poorly, that God used it anyways. The leaders were doing the best with what they had. They had given of themselves sacrificially and were faithful with what they were given. Where people were lacking, He was not and brought together everything to draw me to Himself. All this time I had thought that leaders in this church had dropped the ball, I felt God say, yes people do drop the ball, but I don’t drop the ball and it was with a deep sigh of gladness that I could see that yes He never dropped the ball, He never let me fall through the cracks, even though I felt like I had. Despite their flaws, God used them in my life. That is His way, He can fill it all of the gaps. And despite the fact that there are things that are not done well on the Race, it’s clear to me that, I can appreciate all the things that are done well and that God uses it in so many ways in the world, and uses it in my life, And of course that I have 10,000 reasons to be thankful.
Merry Christmas!
