I’ve heard it before that “hurt people, hurt people” but I never thought that I could be one of the hurt people, hurting people.
While going through college I was struggling with a lot of hurts from my past and I didn’t really know it. I just knew I hurt and that other people around me didn’t need to know it. So, I tried my hardest to hold it all in. That led me to become very depressed and I turned to many things other than God to find hope and happiness. After several years of living my life half in the Christian world and half out I felt just as lonely as when I began my walk with Christ. But God kept after me and I kept turning to Him. After college I moved home and joined a church community and met some amazing friends who walked with me through the process of me starting to find my identity in Christ and not in this world.
Phillipians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Fast forward to this journey with this community based mission team, it has given me opportunities to grow. What I have learned about myself on this journey, is that I have the ability to be passive aggressive towards others and it’s not a healthy manner of communication. I started to look into where this was all rooted, where this passive aggressiveness started and how to break myself of the cycle of sin in my life , that has destroyed so many of my relationships in my past, that has held me back from moving forward with my life. I’m not perfect and I am done trying to act like I have my life all together without God. I did that for many years. The root cause of all this, God has pointed out, I have pride issues and I struggle with caring more what others “think” of me in the world, than of what I know God says about me and I have been stuck there for so long that I have been in denial.
This has been a hard blog for me to write. One because I don’t want to admit my struggles(pride). I want all the people that I was passive aggressive with to apologize to me for the hurts they cause me, before I have to admit my wrongs to them(pride). So I’m calling out my issues. I’m sharing with you all my struggles are and where I am at on my journey with God.
It has taken me 9 months to get to this breaking point, thanks to my amazing Tsquad for sticking it out with me, loving me and pushing me towards Christ. I’m to the point of willingness really listening to what God is asking of me and to share it with everyone via this blog site. I still have a way to go and I still struggle with continuing to humble myself like Christ. But I’m finally in a place to take a stand against my sin, to fight back with the power of Christ.
I’m truly thankful for those that have been willing to be in my life, and to help walk with me through this process of healing. I’m thankful for all of you who believed in me and took your time and money to send me into this mission field. It truly has been life changing experience.
We are all hurt and sinful people, but when we turn to Christ He makes us new! I’m excited and hopeful for my future. God has given me many visions on this trip of future missions He is calling me too. And I’m excited to share them with you all in the future. I have two more months with an amazing team, on this amazing adventure before I head back to the USA.
Please write me, comment on my blog or ask me question, I would love to share with you about the journey I have been on.
