What makes a Man? There are probably lots of answers to this question that help define what a man is supposed to be, but at the end of day what makes the difference between a male human and a Man? What does a woman need a man to be?
I recently sat with a group of men and women who had the courage to be vulnerable with each other and share their stories and struggles and it honestly did not surprise me to hear how many of the women struggled with self image and identity issues inflicted mostly by the words and actions of guys in their past whether it be their fathers, boyfriends, or just guys who wanted something from them. Not being a women I could not say this first hand, but I do believe that much like the words of a woman to a man, the words of a man to a woman carry a weight and authority that no other voice does. A man can use this to give her life, or damage her for his own ends.
While it is very sad to say, hearing so many stories and struggles like this makes it easy to understand why many women in out society have this expectation and idea in there mind that guys are pigs. Many guys have lived their lives so selfishly motivated that they have been pigs. It is not only sex, though that is a big part of it, but boys who are looking for something that serves them, something they can control, something that affirms their own selfish image, often an object of their own satisfaction…Truth is, most of us guys have probably failed in this way at times and it is a battle we continue to face. My own track record is not perfect.
But that is not a man. That is a male animal acting out of instinct of self-motivation. That is not what a man is designed to be. When I sit and hear these stories my heart is sick, and I am saddened for my sex. The men that I sat with in this particular group felt the same way: Heartbroken for the hurt that had been inflicted by our sex upon the creatures that God had made with us as helpmates, partners, so that we would not be alone.
So what is a real man?
I sat with this group of men and heard their true desire to be what they should be to the women around them. They knew they could not be their saviors, or their God, but they truly wanted to protect and serve them well. But there was the question of what should they do. All of this has echoed loudly in my heart for a long time. To be a man, we cannot be the inflictors of these wounds upon women. We must guard our words, our eyes, even our minds to protect them from this selfish wounding. But to be a man, it goes farther.
A very wise teacher named Andrew Sheerman I once heard speak of what the man’s role truly should be. He spoke of when the serpent told Eve lies for his own ends, and that it was not really her who sinned first. When she was told the lies that lead her to question her identity and eat of death, the man was failing in his role at the same time as her sin. He was given dominion and authority over the beasts, and he should have never allowed the serpent to speak. His sin was not the words he said, but the ones he didn’t. His sin was silence. He should have told the liar to be silent and cast him out of his garden.
What women need are not just men to not inflict the hurt on them, but mighty men who will undo and stop the hurt that others have done. A warrior man, who will put himself in the line of fire in between her and the liar, one who will take up the sword of truth and use his authority as a man to speak that life into the women around him to erase the lies that have wounded them. A man who will not be silent but rather say: “Shut up snake, you can’t talk to my woman, now get out of my garden!” Men, that is our place. That is a mighty man.
