So for the first time in my life, I have an answer to that dreaded question, “So Tim, what are you doing when you graduate?” And honestly, I couldn’t be more excited about my response. I’ve had that huge question mark looming over fall 2010 for as long as I can remember, and I have certainly had plenty of thoughts trying to replace it. But here I am…188 days away from embarking on a trip that I didn’t even knew existed 2 months ago. 11 months, 11 countries. India, Nepal, Thailand, Cambodia, Ukraine, Romania, Uganda, Kenya. A team of folks, a necessary community of believers to tackle such an endeavor, living in the humblest of conditions, and a level of trust and dependence on the Lord that I’m not sure I’ve ever approached. It’s about to get crazy.
In the last year or two especially I have heard of and looked into lots of incredible organizations that are doing amazing things, things that have sparked an excitement deep within me – in my own backyard, across the country, and on the other side of the planet. Maybe I’ve talked to you about some of them. One thing I can say with confidence: I’ve gotten very good at talking big. Of course, the reality is that thus far, I have yet to do anything. Nothing has been real yet, nothing has left the computer screen or the pamphlet or the youtube video. “I do this with good things; I think joy into its coffin; I analyze too much. I don’t want to think about life anymore; I just want to live life.” [2]
Now, that is not to say that the last couple years of “talking big” have been all for naught and blowing hot air. I can confidently see God preparing my heart and mind for this journey that is now before me, instilling a desire and a willingness answer this call with a resounding YES. I pray that God continues to humble me in these desires, and that I am continually looking towards His glory, and never my own. I have certainly recognized that as a very real danger to me in talking about this trip – that I can tell people about it so they can think well of me, and not my God.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 NIV)
“On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.” (1 Thess. 2:4 NIV)
With that thought firmly implanted at the forefront of my mind…I cannot wait for this.
“Trips like ours are greener grass left unknown for fear of believing trite sayings, sayings that are sometimes true.” [3]
For me, the year after I graduate has always been my “greener grass.” All the different opportunities I’ve looked at, these thoughts that have captured me – abandon-everything, all-encompassing, we’re-not-in-kansas-anymore, lose-every-comfort-you’ve-always-had thoughts. I hear that “life is more than clothes and cars and a new flavor of toothpaste, that it is community and creation and beauty and humanity,” [4] and I believe that, and I surely can realize that here and now, and such a realization certainly doesn’t require such a trip. However, this trip, I believe, will provide me with a crucial opportunity to break up the patterns of my life that could otherwise pass by unchanged from now until the day I die. “My senses have become dull and this trip is an effort to sharpen them.” [5]
This trip is my time to cut it all off, to see God work in new ways, perhaps in ways I simply have not allowed Him to in my life. I foresee it to be much easier to discernibly re-attach what’s necessary after everything has been cut off.
“There is a serenity in life, after all, and once a withdrawl is felt at having left the lies behind, a soul begins to feel at home in its own skin.”
Thanks for reading, and I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
p.s. – Like what you’re reading and come along for the ride? Subscribe for blog updates over on the left if you want to be notified whenever I post something new.
[1] Donald Miller. “Through Painted Deserts” p.xii
[2] —–. p19
[3] —–. p7
[4] —–. p90
[5] —–. p2
