Wow,
it’s hard to believe that it’s already time for the World Race Bathroom Reader:
African Edition. It feels like the three
months of Africa went by twice as fast as the three months of Asia. But there are just as many great stories and
memories from the continent of Africa. I
great thanks go out to my team who not only helped create these memories, but
also helped me remember them! Feel free
to ask about any of these.
1. Butter knives are not usually very effective when trying to
slit a goat’s neck.
2. You know you will get protein for dinner when you are given
a live chicken as a blessing.
3. Before using a long drop, you should probably stretch first.
4. While bathing in the river, you should always do a 360
degree scan before undressing in front of local children.
5. It is a good day when the Pastor finds Jesus during the
altar call.
6. It is a great day when the whole church found Jesus during
the altar call.
7. Africans tell time by the sun, if choir practice is at 2 PM
they are not late if the sun is still up.
8. When see a burning cross, it is not right or wrong it is
just different.
9. Mosquitoes suck your blood, malaria sucks your life.
10. Clean water in Mozambique mean a mear 3 worms in the drum
instead of 10.
11. Rocks are a great security mechanism when you find a random
American pooping in your cornfield.
12. The Male Urination Center(MUC) can double as a place for
Bucket Shower(BS); sandals recommended.
13. A general rule of thumb, when beating a rabid dog, it’s like
beating a piñata don’t stop until you get what you want.
14. When suffering from symptoms of malaria, don’t die, go to
the clinic.
15. When taking malaria and de-worming meds in Africa, beware
that side effects may include but are not limited to anorexia, hepatitis, and
in rare cases, death.
16. When you hear a gunshot in the middle of the night, don’t be
naïve in thinking it’s not a threat.
17. As a missionary in Africa, you must always be ready to
“share what you have prepared” regardless of time, circumstance, or advance
notice.
18. A successful day evangelizing is when you come home with
guava, ground nuts, and a live chicken.
19. When carrying home a live chicken, always remember: don’t
provoke the chicken!
20. In Africa, a laundry line can double as a leash for tomorrow
nights dinner chicken.
21. Missionary hygiene becomes offensive when you realize you
bathe less frequently then the local village orphans.
22. Staying in budget means using garlic as food/seasoning and
bug repellant.
23. Zambian villagers measure distance s differently then
Americans “a few kilometers” means two hours and two mountains.
24. When toilet facilities are not available, a bush guard may
be necessary to make sure you don’t get caught with your pants down.
25. There are no prerequisites to joining the Nyamphande Zambian
choir. You can attempt to learn to sing
in Nyanja, shake your hips in the front of church, and blend in like you’re not
white.
26. A good layer of dirt works as bug repellant; a weeks worth
of dirt helps you to blend in as an indigenous African.
