Yesterday in our staff meeting at work it was announced to the whole company that I would be leaving the company in December to embark on The World Race in January. At multiple peoples request I sent out an email this morning to everyone in the office giving them the link to my blog and info so they could support me if they so desired. But today has just been a real special day. Starting with yesterday evening after the meeting on into today my co-workers have been beyond supportive of my decision and as much as I’m going to miss them when I leave it’s great to hear the excitement in their voices. But after talking with so many people about my trip it got me thinking about how I got here, where I came from and how barely a year ago I was in a completely different place with my walk with Christ and going on a missions trip for 11 months was the last thing on my priorities. But I thought it’d be cool to go back and see where I was not too long ago and see how God brought me to where I am now and tell about how grateful I am to be where God wants me to be.
About a year ago I felt pretty secure with my place in the world. I was a 21 year old with a solid well paying job, who was already getting a early start on saving for retirement and for a down payment on a house. I liked my relationship with God and was well respected at church but wasn’t real concerned for what Jesus wanted for my life, I was more concerned about my future house. Back in April I went with my churches young adult ministry to the Passion Conference in Atlanta Georgia. It was here that I began to question my motives in life. What do I want out of life? Who do I want to live for? What do I want to live for? And I noticed a fatal flaw in the “American Dream” that I had dedicated myself to attaining. Once I got the house, and the car, and the family and the more prestigious position at work…what next? You move on to the bigger more expensive car and house that requires more money and a high ranking job that pays more, but because of your higher ranking job you have to work more so you spend less time in your bigger house and your family. It was mind bloggling, I swore to myself I would find a better way, a way to live life without serving these false gods of materialism and cultural acceptance. It then hit me on the last Passion session of the trip, God calls us to live above the culture. He calls us to a higher purpose of living. He doesn’t ask that we exist, but that we live with a spirit of adventure to be the light in the darkness and to answer the cry of the oppressed. It might look odd to the world, but as my boy Francis Chan likes to say “…if your life doesn’t make sense outside of heaven then maybe you need to reevaluate your life.” I then read his book “Crazy Love” which is probably one of my all time favorite books now. But it showed me God in a new light, that He isn’t just a God to know of but a God to know. A God to experience and not just hear about. A God that loves us so radically that once we experience that love our lives should never look the same again. After that weekend and reading that book a spark was ignited in my soul and began to quickly grow.
Back at work it was hard to settle back into my routine. I had a restlessness now that God had placed in my heart that had never been there. A boredom of the ordinary that was slowly driving me mad. I had a new calling in my life. Not to get the latest greatest thing but to show the world the only greatest thing! I discovered that God had created me for a specific purpose and I was determined to follow that purpose The only problem was….I had no idea what that purpose was. Shortly after Passion we started up a young adult bible study on Thursday nights and I was “appointed” the leader/teacher. I fell in love with it instantly. It was indescribable, the whole idea behind God using me and speaking through me to touch people’s lives and accomplish His will was such a rush for me. And when people would come up to me and tell me how that was exactly what they needed to hear that day it just made my heart swell. Over the summer our little group of a few people reached numbers close to 30! I had found a passion and purpose that I had never known before this. Just the concept of doing the work of the creator of the universe and seeing Him speak to you every week with a different lesson was so awesome. I was then given the oppurtunity to preach at my church in the contemporary service. All I have to say is that was the craziest and wildest ride ever. Words can’t even adequetly describe my emotions that day but it was apparent to myself and everyone there that God had work for me.
About a week after I preached I was having a conversation with my pastor, mike, about what’s next. I knew I was being called into the ministry but whats the next step? Do I go to school? I hate school. He then suggested a mission trip, since I was young, single, and still live at home I figured I’d go for it. That was when I applied for the World Race. To be honest I ddn’t really expect to get in considering I had no international missions experience at this point. But sure enough I get an email a few days after my phone interview inviting me to training camp. I got home and told my parents but didn’t get the reaction I had expected. My excitement was killed as I had to explain my decision to parents who were scared for me and didn’t want to see me screw up my future. My mom was probably the hardest. All throughout my life my mom was my moral compass. If she gave me her blessings then I knew I was doing the right thing. But now I had to lean on God to find comfort in knowing that I had His blessings. I then began the stressful task of preparing. Filling out the paperwork, planning out selling my car, writing support letters, all the while not mentioning any of it to my parents because I hated to see my mom cry. At one point I reached a level of stress where I felt like I was at the edge and it wouldn’t take much to push me over. I was stressed and drained because I knew there was no way I could pull this off in time for me to go. But then God brought me to Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” It suddenly made sense. My understanding is very relient on forces outside of my control, while if I trust that God has it in control those same forces that are outside of my control are very much inside His realm of control. After I found peace in that verse it’s been amazing how God has come through for me between quitting my job, raising funds, and even my parents coming around.
I truly feel that I’m entering into a new season of my life. A season of unknowns and adventure. A season that will undoubtably be much harder then I’m used to but also one where I’ll be fullfilling my purpose and filling my heart with joy. I don’t know what awaits me on my trip or what will happen after my trip. It’s exciting that I don’t know and also a comfort that I don’t have to know because my life is not my own.
