Hello Hurricane

You can’t silence my love

 

Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
But before It started building
I counted up these costs
Ain’t nothing left for you to take away”

 

I’ve come to really relate to Switchfoots new song “Hello Hurricane”.  OK so its not that new, but its new to me.  I feel like last week I lived through a hurricane of fear, anxiety, sorrow and disappointment.  Now after the winds of change have settled I inspect the damage.  When written down the list doesn’t seem that impressive, but just because the list isn’t long doesn’t mean that it isn’t costly.  

 

Last Sunday I found myself around a table with a bunch of friends, some I had seen since I had gotten home…some I haven’t.  We were talking about my trip and then the discussion went to the vision of a house church that God had put on my heart.  Then we began talking about what a church would look like that didn’t have a building, or religion, or tradition, or the control of man, and so on.  And by the end of it people seemed to be excited.  So we decided to come together again on Friday to talk more in detail and see what came out of it.

 

Honestly I said Friday because I knew this was something God had called me to, but I didn’t think it would happen so quickly.  If I’m going to lead this thing don’t I need to go to school, get a part time associate youth/young adults pastor job, and get married?  That was my finite human logic, and apparently I was wrong.

 

I spent the next week in the eye of a hurricane, designed to purify my motives and priorities.  It was a sobering week where I was reminded of the cost of leadership.  I had to respond and give up some things that were most dear to me.  But God had relentlessly been pursuing me since I got home, during a time that I really wasn’t pursuing Him.  And he had laid out a narrow path for me to walk, that unfortunately wasn’t wide enough for all the baggage that I’d picked up since I’d gotten home.

 

So once Friday night rolled around I was already tired and beaten.  But I really didn’t need to say much.  God had assembled the people with the like-minded hearts.  There were no disagreements because we were all there for God and not ourselves. 

 

Now that I stand on the other side of this storm I feel a different weight.  Where before I felt the weight of trying to settle and live a comfortable life where I have a steady pay check, finally buy that house, get married and have kids.  Now I feel the weight that a loving God has put on me, that loves me too much to let me settle for that.  I feel a weight of responsibility for a movement.  One that is driven by God, and if I try to grab it or take hold of it I’ll only hurt myself because it’s barreling along too hard and fast.

 

This has been a hard reminder that I’ll never be happy comfortable.  I come alive when I’m on the front lines.  When I’m scared and overwhelmed because i know what I’ve been dropped into can’t be done in my power and that means that God has to show up.  And I love watching God show up.   It doesn’t take away from the fact that I still mourn my losses from the hurricane but God is the infinite giver not the taker and He always makes what has cost us much worth all the more.

So I’m writing this blog to not only keep all my readers posted on the events of my life.  But to also thank God for the hurricanes in my life.  Even though they cause destruction, they also fan the flame in my heart that had gotten pretty lame looking.  Thank you God for not giving up on me.