I realize it’s been awhile since my last post. Things have been been pretty overwhelming lately with everything going on. But before I go into everything I’ve been going through I want to immediately get out of the way that this is not meant to be a depressing blog. As I sit here writing this, I have a strong peace within me that is attributed to the knowledge that regardless of everything I’ve been through God has never let go of my hand. He has shown me His presence time and time again. So I can face any turmoil boldly, because I know my God is with me.
Probably the largest source of stress that has been on me has been support raising. I am not good at asking for money, which is obviously an integral part of fundraising, but none the less God has blessed me with friends and family that support what God has called me to. Unfortunently I’m still a long way off from my goal. I had to call AIM headquarters yesterday because because I need to have $8,800 by the 15th and I only have about $3,000 in my account currently. But despite the fact that I have 2 weeks to raise $6,000 I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really lack the faith that God can do it, I really lack the hope that God will do it. But I also accepted the reality back when I first got accepted into the program that if on January 4th I was on a plane to the Dominican Republic it would only be by the grace of God.
I’m not going to go into everything else the enemy has been using to distract me and trip me up, because frankly this would be my longest blog to date. But whats really important is the victory that God has given me. God has shown me so much and grown me in Him during all these struggles. He has put me in a place where I’m realizing how powerless I really am and that in order to get through this I need to be holding God’s hand, like when I was young and needed to cross the street. He has also shown me that during this next year on the field it is not going to get easier. And in order for me to continue glorifying Him in the bad times I need to be praying for His spirit to fill me up. Because it’s when we’re put under pressure, that whatever is inside of us comes out. So instead of the anger and fear that is there now I have been praying that God would cleanse me of those and replace them with His spirit. I pray that God would coninue this painful process of killing my selfish flesh, so that I would stop getting in my own way so much. My prayer is that God would give me such a comfort in Him and love for Him that if everything I had was gone and all I had was Him, I would be just fine. God cherishes me, and it’s in the hard times when I rely on Him most and feel his warm, strong arms around me more deeply…and if being stretched and uncomfortable is what it takes for me to feel Him more, then bring it.
