Disclaimer: First of all, I want to start off by saying it has been a long time since I have written a blog as a result of what I can easily tell you has been the most eventful 3 weeks of my life. Whether you are new to my blog, been following my whole journey, or just stopping by, I want to tell you that this post is not an easy one to write and it is certainly not something I take lightly. I have spent a lot of time thinking and praying about the right words to say and the parts of my story that need to be shared. I hope this post does the situation justice, speaks only truth and is a clear reflection of my heart behind the situation.
Big Announcement: I am home in South Carolina and have been home for about a week now. If you are confused or surprised, yes you’re correct, I am home 2 months earlier than originally planned or expected. My squad is still in Africa and arrived at their ministry sites in Rwanda today, I believe. They have continued on, while I have made the decision to come home and live my life in the state I love.
What you need to know as a supporter, friend, family member or loved one:
I am safe. If you heard anything about what was going on, I’m sure you were worried and concerned about my well being. I made it out safely. I won’t write all the details here because that is not what this post is about, but feel free to read some of my teammates’ perspectives on our situation in Ethiopia on their own blogs. (Sam Hotchkiss, Becca Clark, Wendy Lee, Jaivie Robles, Maria Beiler)
I am happy. Being back in the states after so long is strange, no doubt about it, but it is good. I am happy to be back home in SC for the summer with my friends, family, and dog. There’s nothing quite like a summer in the south.
I made the right decision. Had I finished the last two months of the race, I would have missed the whole summer. It is such a blessing to be back with my best friend who is a teacher before she heads back to school and I would have missed that time with her. I get to be home to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday, little cousin’s high school graduation, the 4th of July, my brother’s and several other birthdays, go to the beach and so much more. I get to be here for things that were going to be sad to miss.
In the end, it was an easy choice. After everything was said and done and we made it safely to Addis, I was praying and the Lord asked me what was keeping me there in Africa and what would I regret more- leaving or staying? When I thought about all that I would miss at home and what I would be experiencing on the race, it wasn’t much of a choice at all.
I didn’t have any reason to stay. The experience that I had on the race and especially in the last month in Ethiopia, made it clear my time there was done. When I considered leaving, the only reasons I came up with to stay were really just reasons not to leave. (Other than my friends on the squad I hated to leave). It wasn’t that I wanted to stay, it was that I was prideful and fearful about leaving. What would people say? What would people think? But then it dawned on me…
I am not a quitter. The fear that was keeping me on the field was fear of being judged by others and myself for giving up. I was ashamed of being the one who couldn’t stick it out and handle the whole race. But then the Lord gave me peace that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Peace that He would bless me and my decision to choose me. I was not quitting. I was choosing my hope, joy, peace, happiness, abundance, health, and thriving spirit over enduring the reminder of the race because of pride and fear.
I realized that enduring through two more months being miserable and working with an organization I no longer respected or trusted, wasn’t the kind of life I wanted to live. I wanted nothing to do with anything Adeventues in Missions and refused to remain as a representative of them to anyone else. By staying, I wasn’t really accomplishing much by suffering through the next two months of my life just because I was “supposed to”.
The long and complex story of what happened to my team and I in Ethiopia was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. As I mentioned, you can read more of the events in my teammates’ blogs. But the main thing to know- I was quite literally in a life threatening situation and we were being held in a hotel by armed guards and orders from the US Embassy for our safety. We were held for 4 days with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We were in a situation we never should have been placed in. We were left without the support and communication we were promised and should have received from our organization. We were required to rely entirely too much on a local host to get back to our belongings, including our passports, and get back to the hotel safely. Then he helped to organize our transportation back to Addis and got us out safely before helping his own small children and infant baby to safety. We were not given the support to get out to safety and I certainly did not feel supported by the organization and leadership that was supposed to be there for me. I decided that I was no longer willing to be a part of an organization that treats people the way I was treated, and more importantly my host was treated**. I needed to get out while I still had a positive view of the race and before I ruined another country in Africa, a place I cherish so much. I needed to choose what was healthiest for me, and that was not the race. I decided to choose me and truly believe the Lord told me to do exactly that.
Things are falling into place. I believe the Lord called me to the race. I believe that even when I was doubting it and trying to come up with reasons not to go, He kept confirming that I was supposed to go. I learned a lot, about the world and myself. I grew a lot, in ways I can see and in ways I can’t. I loved a lot, loved people I knew would be easy, people I knew would be hard and people I didn’t know at all. This year I was challenged and encouraged in ways I could never have imagined. I was able to see things I never dreamed of and experience the people of the world in the coolest ways. The Lord is good, and He is faithful. That’s how I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when I am following Him, it doesn’t matter where He leads, it will be great. He is a good God that wants me to be joyful and gives me good gifts. I have only been home for a little over a week and I can already see countless ways that He has blessed my decision to come home. Things are lining up and falling into place in ways that only He could have known or seen coming when He called me on the race in December 2016.
Bottom line:
I am safe. I am happy. I am peaceful. I am joyful. I am hopeful. I am faithful. And I am NOT a quitter.
**Following the events that happened, I can say there has been minimal effort made on the part of Adventures In Missions to rectify the situation and take ownership of ways that things were handled poorly in an effort to be better next time. I sincerely hope they learned from their mistakes and they are better prepared to avoid, or if necessary, handle a situation like this in the future.
