I want to be engaged this year. After 21 years of life, and two months on the World Race, and it’s prevalence in my heart. I’ve come to accept it. I just want to be engaged.
My dear friend Derek gave me a simple task at the beginning of my journey. He asked me to collect words and phrases that described my experience, and my growth this year. I’m not sure he realized how much that actually resonated with me. What words do I want to come to mind when I look back on the most radically amazing year of my life?
I’ve been thinking and throwing random words and phrases his way every once in a while. But none of them actually stuck with me. In the moment, sure they sounded significant and momentous, but I’d forget them almost as soon as I wrote them down.
Yesterday, when I sat in our church surrounded by laughing teammates, singing children, and an abundance of love; I was sitting alone in a corner journaling. Engaged. The word nearly whispered itself into my being. I want to be engaged.
This is the word I want to remember when I look back on my year. I know this is the right word because it’s scary, exciting, and radical. I didn’t realize it at first, but I’ve been praying and asking to be engaged for as long as I can remember, and even more so this last month. Engaged. It seems to be repeated in my head to the point that it’s beginning to feel at home.
By engaged, I do not mean what some of you may be thinking. I’m dating the man of my dreams: Jesus. But last time I checked, I can’t exactly marry him. But when I say “I want to be engaged”, I don’t mean I’m looking for a fiancé.
I want to be engaged in the surroundings, people, and culture around me. I want to engage in environments and languages. I want deep and meaningful connections and relationships with my teammates, our hosts, and everyone I meet along the way. I want to dive in to the stories being told. I want to actively listen, console, and pursue. I don’t want to live an inattentive, preoccupied life anymore.
For 21 years I’ve been living in the past, focusing on my future, and ignoring the present. I’ve been too wrapped up in my phone, what’s happening in my peripheral, and what I may be missing out on everywhere else. After completely forgetting to live my life for so long, it’s about time I become engaged.
We can never be fully engaged in those around us by staring at them on Instagram, Snapchat, or Twitter. Sure, we get to see all of the fun stuff we may or may not have been around for. But we can’t fight alongside the people we love when were up to our necks in social media, the past, or the future. I don’t want to be someone who is too distracted and preoccupied to notice His presence in every moment. The enemy has quite cleverly crept into our world and mislead us with empty connections, worries of tomorrow, and pain from the past.
Habakkuk 2:3 says God has perfect timing. He has an appointed time to fulfill the visions, dreams, and desires of your heart. Just because you’ve failed, or been waiting for a long time, doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. Engage in the Lord’s omnipresence and know that he will fulfill his will, one way or another.
So when you ask me what engaged means, I’ll happily tell you; Engaged is fighting, praying, reading, arguing, and living with the people around me. It’s diving in and fully immersing myself into the culture and story of everyone I meet. It’s allowing myself to live and be in the present, instead of constantly wondering what’s around the corner, or what I left behind.
But even more so than that, I want to be engaged in the spiritual lives of those around me. I want to dive so deep into the Lord and be so near to him that I am overflowing with grace, truth, and love. I want to be an image of hope and faith. I want to be bold and bearing good news. I want to be aware of His presence in every moment. After all, the holiest moment is the one that is happening right now.
Derek, my favorite word for this experience is Engaged. And I must say, Thank You for opening my eyes to everything that was right in front of me the entire time. You truly don’t know how much your project resonated with me.
“In Him we live and move and have our being.” Acts 17:28
“Blessed is she who believed God would fulfill his promises to her.” Luke 1:45
