When I signed up for the World Race, everyone warned me. Everyone I talked to said “being home is going to be the hardest part”. Needless to say, I disregarded that completely. What can be so “hard” about being in the exact situation I’ve always been in, with the exact people I’ve always had?
Let me be the first to tell Past Tiffany, “I told you so.”
I came home from training camp a completely different person. And I didn’t even realize it until I was sitting in my room trying to get back into my routine of work, school, and play. I physically could not stir up an interest in any of my old hobbies, and even some friendships. My priorities, values, and interests changed. Things that used to hurt me, no longer crossed my mind. I found joy in some of the simplest things that I’d completely overlooked before my world was flipped upside down in that Georgia heat.
The past two and a half weeks of being home have been a mess, to say the least. There’s a deep sense that something is missing and I know exactly what it is. I am not at home. Home is not a place, it’s a feeling. It’s the feeling of being loved unconditionally, pushed forward, and knowing you’re never alone even if you’re the only one in the room. This isn’t my home; I’m simply passing through on my way to bigger and better things.
My “home” is Gap H. My “home” is being surrounded by 42 brothers and sisters who love me, laugh with me, and praise our Father with all their might.
Nothing is more frustrating than not recognizing the person in the mirror. There is nothing more uncomfortable than trying to make the best out of being a stranger to yourself and everyone around you in your so-called “home”. And nothing hurts more than missing the 42 people that have come to be your family, with a bond stronger than anything you’ve ever known.
Patience is a particular thing I’ve been attempting to teach myself int these six weeks at home. And quite frankly, I’m not doing so hot. I have to be patient waiting for September. I have to be patient when I’m fundraising. I have to be patient with prayer. Stress likes to come in and fill the places where patience should flourish.
“Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen,
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.”
-Habakkuk 3:17-18
It’s not easy and stress likes to overwhelm us. Waiting for funds to come in when deadlines are quickly approaching, isn’t easy. Missing your family, isn’t easy. None of this is easy. It’s not easy to put your whole life behind you and leave the comfort of everything you’ve ever known. It’s not easy to have your heart torn into 42 people and places. It’s not easy waiting for everything to come together.
But there is beauty and there are lessons that come from putting your faith in God and knowing that he will pave your path and comfort your heart. There’s something beautiful about the way your faith grows when your heart rests in knowing God has a plan and it will endure any trials. Theres something beautiful about letting go and giving it all to Him.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
