The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know — if you’ve ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy — oh but it is such fun to see it coming away. [C. S. Lewis, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” The Chronicles of Narnia
There is not a more perfect quote to depict my training camp experience than this- C.S Lewis nails it every time.
To those reading this blog hoping to have the “know-all” of camp, you will be disappointed. I remember blog stalking for hours, hunting down every detail I could to ease my mind and kill the anticipation boiling inside me (future WR’s, just stop now- rest in the unknown). Trying to describe the moments and people would be a huge injustice to the beauty they each carried.
Through the demanding physical labor, emotional draining, spiritual attacks and the excruciating pain for a single sip of coffee, I only have one nugget of advice: have expectancy, not expectations.
I am a planner by nature. I love lists, schedules, and knowing what my day will hold. Training camp’s mysteries forced me to be completely stripped of an assumed schedule, have an open mind to strange food, and hold fast to The Lord as each new day brought forth troubles of their own. My squad, C-Squad, C4 if you will, held such a powerful stance of leaning on God while still supporting and lifting one another up.
Tip: Having a community makes you grow stronger than you will as an individual.
In 10 days God began chiseling the sky-high walls encompassing me and surfaced things from my past that I thought would stay buried infinitely. My squad, leaders, and mentors have probably seen me cry more times than not- it’s no secret, I keep Kleenex in business. I now know why training camp is such a well kept secret; it’s pretty extraordinary at restoring our heart conditions, preparing and strengthening our minds and yes, physical bodies. I prayed for peace and boldness constantly, and for it to transcend into my teammates.
An extremely powerful moment for me was when I realized I have a voice. This quiet woman I see in the mirror has the potential to be a great leader. The insecurities are still there, the shaky voice and sweaty palms haven’t gone away but I am a daughter of the King- my self-proclaimed inadequacy is being striped away and I am being formed into the wonderful creation God intended me to be.
C Squad is a uniquely designed team by God, just perfectly pieced together by the hearts and lives and roles of each of these women and men. We are an army rising. There were some moments at training camp where that vision was so strong it felt almost tangible. It was, and it will be.
I am thankful for everyone’s encouragement and support.
I needed $4,000 to get to camp and because of YOU, through God, I was able to.
My next deadline is December 15th with the total being, $10,000- we only need $6,000! Because of God and wonderful supporters like you, I have nothing but faith.
Warmly,
Tiffany
