Big Backpack Filled to the Brim. Check. Daypack Stuffed. Check. What was the weight limit for the big pack again? 50 pounds? I’m good…50 on the dot. Up until 3am the night before launch packing, copying important documents, and saving files for my parents while I’m gone. Everything is done and we are ready to go. No time to process…just Go Go Go! In the middle of this crazy process I realize it is my last day to see my four nieces and nephews, my brother n law, and my sister. Wow…didn’t see that coming.
“I’m not ready for this…” I start crying as I tell my oldest sister goodbye for a year and hug and kiss my niece and nephew the last time. I can do this. Hold it together. “You still have time to be with momma, daddy, and Stacey,” I tell myself. It’s going to be ok. We load the car and head to Georgia. Separate hotels. Racer rooms with 4 people in each. Treasurer training starts with a game. Track every expense. Write Receipts. Count your change. Report back to AIM by the 15th and the 30th of each month. I got this.
Then we had a session with our families. It’s fine, not a big deal. Then…we started worshipping…and praising God together. Can’t…hold…it…together. I start balling and couldn’t stop it. Alright, apparently I’m going to process through leaving my family right…now. Tears streaming and hands shaking, my sister is on my right and my mom is on my left holding my hands. Too much to handle. I cry out to God in prayer.
God starts working in my mind. I am on my knees on the ground in the mud and it is raining all around me. Hands lifted high, I cry out, “Jesus, where are you?! I can’t do this alone!” Then Jesus appears in front of me. Kneeling, He is right in front of me looking into my eyes. He leans in and he puts his forehead against mine. I have my hands raised in worship of Him with tears streaming down. I am too weak for this. My arms begin to fall. He places his hands under my arms and lifts my arms up again. “Jesus, You are my strength.” As I continue to cry, I cling to Him like I have never clung to Him before. I let go of anything I am holding on to and just hug him with all I have in me. He scoops me up into His arms and holds me tight, not letting go. After a few minutes I turn around to see three crosses on a hill behind me. He points to the middle cross where I can see Him suffering in front of me. “I did this for you. You are the joy that was set before me in that moment,” He said to me. Then as he died, was buried, and rose from the grave, a light instantly shot out from the cross and surrounded the entire earth. A sonic boom could have been heard as the temple curtain was ripped from top to bottom. I looked up to the hill again and the crosses were gone. The rain stopped. Jesus carried me to the top of the hill and then set me down beside Him. As I stood next to Him, I looked out and saw a sea of people…thousands of people. “This is what I have for you,” He said to me. At this same time, Clint was finishing his talk and asked us to stand on our chairs to stand up for Christ exemplifying that we said “Yes” to God’s call on our life this year. I looked out across the people and saw lights behind them that were like northern lights. It was such a beautiful sight. An hour and a half after I started crying, I had processed through leaving my family and embracing the journey Jesus had before me. That was not all He had for me…
Hands lifted high and voices shouting praises, the next night all 250 of us worshipped the Lord together. As we sang about going down to the river, Jesus showed me something new. I was back on the hill and looking out over the people when I saw a river in front of me. Jesus walked out onto the water. “Arise my darling, my beautiful one, come with me,” He says to me. I can’t see the end of the river and it partsthe people into two sides. It is intimidating, but since He is in front of me, I know He is going to be with me. I step out into the water to follow Him, knowing the best place for me to be is His will. It may be dangerous and it may be scary, but He will be with me every step of the way.
Each time I close my eyes to worship, He is right there in another part of the river. I thought processing through all of these things would be extremely difficult, but He is walking with me every step of the way. When I close my eyes in worship in the Peruvian worship services, I can see Him right there with me in the river. The Peruvians are on either side of the river with me in the first leg of this 11 month journey.
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” He says to me. Hebrews 13:5
