Big Sister and I have retreated to our beach home for our last “sisters only” weekend before I leave for the race. While this is a last, it doesn’t feel any different than usual. No added nostalgia, no extra “life talks”.
This morning, I woke up and read three different blogs about God’s love and character. The first one hit home about how earthly love always falls short, without fail. The second one felt all too familiar–He is who I want. Everyday. The third one convicted me. A lot. Read each of those if you are in the mood to be adored, reminded, and challenged. Continue reading if you just want some more Sundaybrainbabbledemoi.
The three of those, compounded with something Sid (sister) said to me last night, just made me realize how OFTEN we miss it.
So, back to that view Sid and I are looking at. She comes off the porch last night and says to me, “Sometimes, I just don’t know what I did to deserve this.”
To which I obviously responded, “NOTHING! FREE GRACE. YOU NEVER COULD HAVE EARNED THIS. THAT’S HOW HUGE AND AMAZING OUR GOD IS, WHILE WE CONTINUE TO SUCK, SID!”.
Ok. I guess that’s what I wish I had said. But instead, I let that opportunity pass me by and let silence coat the end of her haphazard thought.
Only now that moment won’t let me go.
The two of us have spent all weekend scanning old pictures from our baby years, and it has made me confront something that has defined my life. I have always felt a part of a “works based, accomplishment” family. But it’s not entirely true. It’s more something I spoke over my parents than something they reinforced. And whenever I feel myself falling back into that belief, God brings me about 37 counterexamples to show me my earthly father’s unconditional love, which is in turn only a smidgen of God’s love for me.
So as I look at these pictures, I am reminded that I did nothing to deserve my dad’s love. Sid and I did nothing to deserve this condo, this view, this lifestyle. And if we were “worse” people, we would still have this condo, this view, this lifestyle. Because our parents love us so unconditionally that their mood, emotion, feelings about us couldn’t change, no matter what Sid or I did. I’ve never deserved the love of my parents. I have hurt them so unbelievably much. Yet, not once have they ever considered not loving me.
Sometimes, it takes looking at these pictures for me to see that the love I feel for my Daddy, He feels for me to about the Nth degree. 
