Grace and Redemption

This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ
Jesus came into the world to save sinners� and I am the worst of them
all. But God had
mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his
great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize
that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. 1 Timothy 1: 15-16

Just now I was just
reliving my last few years of life. I do this a lot–reminisce. But just
now, God really visually revealed to me all the ways He’s changed me. I
mean anyone who has walked with me for more than two years has seen
such a reversal in who I was to who I am: from super-shopper, studier,
partying priss to orphan kissing, elephant riding Jesus hippie girl.
And it shows–even on facebook. I’m not referring to the plethora of
Scriptural statuses, but rather to the profile pictures. This is my
first profile picture from freshman fall, and I think it says it all. A
fun, flirty litle troublemaker who was at a great school, and wanted to
have a good time, but still had everything together.

I was wound so tight. I had
my life together. Or so I thought. And then as college progressed, I
had my life together by day, but by night, I’d just let go. But only a
little. I’d let me fizzle like a big shaken up two liter of soda that
is just barely loosened. And as the years went, the pressure built. And
then here comes
God who just takes the lid off altogether. And golly, the violent
explosion that has followed has been unreal. I couldn’t hold that
insane life together any more. There was too much going on, too many
balls in the air, and just me to catch them because I was too stubborn
to let anyone else really help. And of course, God has used this
insanely controlling side of me to just be a testament to His
greatness, to His power, to His love. I mean SERIOUSLY the 180 my life
has been over this past year can only be explained by God. He has just
gifted me with one of the greatest stories of redemption. I mean, how
many people walk through college and through adult life carrying
everything, and seeming to always have it together when really they are
just crying inside for someone to notice their immense hurt and
brokenness? Yet, no one notices. And if they do, they’re still kept on
the outside. Why? Because only God can heal those deep wounds, only God
can wipe that slate clean. Only God can love you perfectly and wholly
and amazingly. And so He perfectly designs people like Paul…and me! who
are just walking witnesses of God’s healing.