Somehow, until recently, I have overlooked the fact that God has surrounded me by women my whole life. That sounds weird considering women are half the population. But. In that case, my life should be evenly split between male and female family members, etc. So not true in my life. My one sister is my best friend. We have no brothers. Even the two dogs we’ve had have been girls.
My mom is one of two sisters. I never really knew her parents. My dad’s family, though. Well. He is the oldest of five–four brothers, one sister. But between them, they had ten daughters and three sons. I was raised drowning in girl cousins. My dad’s dad died before I was born. My Grandma’s second husband died in the summer of 1995. Up until last year (when at 81 she got remarried), Grandma was the alpha female of our family. Christmases, baby showers, weddings all revolve around her home, her schedule. My aunts and uncles were divorced, remarried–brought new women and new girl cousins into the family. So on the home front: bombarded by women. And through them, I’ve heard everything in the book–affairs, miscarriages, broken relationships, happy marriages, life-changing emergencies, life-saving friendships.
My mom is one of two sisters. I never really knew her parents. My dad’s family, though. Well. He is the oldest of five–four brothers, one sister. But between them, they had ten daughters and three sons. I was raised drowning in girl cousins. My dad’s dad died before I was born. My Grandma’s second husband died in the summer of 1995. Up until last year (when at 81 she got remarried), Grandma was the alpha female of our family. Christmases, baby showers, weddings all revolve around her home, her schedule. My aunts and uncles were divorced, remarried–brought new women and new girl cousins into the family. So on the home front: bombarded by women. And through them, I’ve heard everything in the book–affairs, miscarriages, broken relationships, happy marriages, life-changing emergencies, life-saving friendships.
In high school, I had two groups of friends. One was an evenly mixed guy/girl group, which meant that we had the most overwhelmingly tangled web of mutual exes, crushes, friends, and frienemies. It took becoming a Christian for me to understand how truly difficult it is for women and men to be good friends without some “feeling” misunderstanding at some point. Back in high school, I thought this was ideal–that the mess was inevitable, that our hearts were made to be broken. The other group of friends was a dramatic, back-stabbing, but still amazingly strong clique of eight girls. We thrived on living soap operatic lives, which meant an ever-changing “best” friend.
When I left for college, I truly believed I despised women. Yet, within the first week I joined a sorority and became instantly biffles with 200 other girls. I spent the last two years of my life living with eleven other (non-sisters) in a house. I spent three years serving on executive board and mentoring in all women’s organization for inner-city eighth graders.
Yet, somehow throughout college, I surrounded myself with guy friends. I never dated any of them but was still constantly asked which guy was the boyfriend. I would always answer that I hated girls, I hated their drama, I hated their instability, I hated their emotional neediness. Of course, through all saying all of this, I began to strip myself of showing people those feminine sides of me. I spent all of my time with guys, whom I relied on for emotional support, and to carry me through my hardest times. I saw nothing wrong with this picture.
Then, the famous Cambodia trip, which coincidentally was with…nine other college girls. And I was shocked when I realized how much more intense the trip would have been if there had been a guy or two in our group. So, I started following Christ there. I read Captivating by John Eldredge*. But even after reading about all of my feminine wounds, I still refused to separate myself from my guy friends. I became incredibly close to a strong group of Christian girls, and remain so to this day. But still my senior year was spent texting, watching movies, eating meals, studying with my guy friends.
So when I went to Haiti this summer, I was surprised by how often God put me in situations where I’d be speaking life over my female teammates, where I’d be talking them through past relationships, pointing them to the amazing designs God has for each of our lives as a woman, and speaking out His heart for each of us. I spent my days with the pre-teen girls (an age which I despised). In the quiet of my tent, as I fell asleep, I found myself so extremely thankful for the incredible women on my team. We were seven girls and three guys. And the seven of us made it through an entire month without fighting, backstabbing, putting down, or pulling passive agressive mood swings on each other. It was incredible.
It was during that month that it became very, very apparent that God had very clear plans for my life–and that my crazy, intensely female-infused life was going to be used for God’s glory–the exact thing I had spent 22 years of life avoiding**. So I began praying that He would open my heart to women’s ministry, that He would continually use every broken relationship and friendship I’ve had to encourage, to speak life into the women who he placed in my life. Since arriving home from Haiti, I’ve moved to San Diego where I live with two women, and where I work in an office of five women. I don’t have a single guy friend in San Diego. And it’s been an incredible two months.
So now I am getting ready for the race. Our squad is about a 6: 1 girl:guy ratio. And I’ve been prayerfully preparing for something that would have been a death sentence a year ago–an all female team. It’s not that this is an extremely likely scenario, but sometimes I can just sense what God is doing in my life and where He is taking something***.
But truly, God has changed my heart towards women. We are loved and adored for our “drama” and our “emotional neediness”. These are the broken versions of wounds we’ve never let God into. Our soft hearts and relational-ness is a beautiful image of God’s love, of some of His greatest qualities. We are made this way. We just happen to live in a time and society where our greatest gifts are trashed in a man’s man world. My greatest joy is restoring women’s hearts, telling them to embrace their junk, to use their pains to minister to others. Our relational hurts were not given to us so that we’d shut down, shut others out, but so we could feel an ounce of God’s hurt when we don’t choose Him, so we can feel the depth of His love, and reconcile His people to Him.
(That was a long sentence. This is a long post).
WOMEN. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR SOFT HEART IS A GIFT. EACH OF YOUR TEARS IS COUNTED, WIPED, AND ADORED.
*Captivating–EVERY girl should read. If you’re a woman and haven’t read that book, go buy it. Now. Oh, and also He’s Just Not That Into You. This is also a must for women. And no, the movie won’t do. If you’re looking for the second book, you’ll find it in the “self help” section of bookstores.
** Be careful what you tell God you despise, or things that you will never do. I said I loathed women, and I would never go on the race. Funny. Or such an incredible testament to His power to change hearts and wills.
***Before Haiti, we were told the five different ministry sites. Of course I wanted to go to the orphanage on the beach. But I also saw a Catholic orphanage on that list, and I was horrified. Mostly because I had that pit-stomach feeling, where you just can sense your future. Sure enough, guess who ended up at the Catholic orphanage? And LOOK AT WHAT GOD DID THERE TO ME AND THROUGH ME. I think our team had the most amazing month of anyone on that trip. There goes God again, being bigger and more omniscient than me. (How often does God show up in your life this way too? You reluctantly give into God because you know His promises, but there’s still so much of you that wants to resist. And then he blows any preconceived notions out of the water)
