So. I spent the majority of my twenty-third birthday with tears streaming down my face. Let’s just say that Daddy was working through some hard-earned knots in my “spiritual back”: It hurts while He’s pressing in and massaging, but it feels better after some rest and water. (I hope you get my sad little metaphor) Isn’t it strange that on the days leading up to my birthday I felt like God had been the most silent He had ever been since I began the race? I remember sobbing my heart out during squad worship pleading and asking Daddy where He was. “Here I am, I’m right here, can’t you see me?” I’ve learned that sometimes while we’re screaming at God, He’s gently whispering the same exact things back at us. . .
I remember locking myself in a small closet underneath the stairs, sitting on a packet of toilet paper and neighbored by old paintings and a broken fan, drenching the phone with my tears while talking to my mom. . .
“8 months seems like such a long time, mom. . .”
“So why don’t you just come home?”
Such a small and logical response broke me like no other idea could in that moment. I had to emphatically declare exactly the opposite of what I was feeling in my heart.
“I can’t.”
Our team changes happened yesterday. Christin Chiles, our beloved team leader of Sisterhood – the team of powerful women that I was blessed to serve with these last three months, has been called to become Squad Leader. There’s absolutely no one that I would trust more to shepherd our family. She is such a gifted, anointed, and beautiful woman of God. . . to say that I was sad to see her go would be an understatement. I was a wreck. I felt like my heart was being torn to pieces. Our team had been through so much together, and I was just started to get used to being comfortable around them.
I was so angry at Daddy.
I was angry at Him for taking my sisters away.
I was selfish.
But through our separation, I see beauty that only our infinitely loving Father can craft. Let’s face it – we were too strong of a powerhouse to keep as one, we needed to spread the strength. I have a new family (of all sisters, still!) now, and while yesterday morning, I felt as though my heart was still grieving and mourning, this morning I woke up with joy that was supernatural and free of bitterness. I trust that Daddy has us where we need to be.
Psalm 1 calls us “trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. [Our] leaves never wither, and [we] prosper in all that [we] do.”
We’re entering into a new season now, ready to witness a different “Africa” and a different spiritual atmosphere, and though this new season of change may look like the desert, it may look barren, through the power of His Spirit, we have the ability to always bear fruit and bring life into a desert of dry bones. What a restorative promise.
Guess what we’ve decided to call our new team?
(Drumroll)
Amaranthine!!!
When I first came to Christ, I joined a small group of believers on my university campus who had named themselves “Amaranthine.” The name means “everlasting and eternal beauty. Undying.” I’ve always loved the significance behind the name, and I cannot believe that it will be the prophetic namesake over us, because we’ll be taking it all over the world.
We’ve been spending the past two days at a wonderful wonderful wonderful house literally above the beach in Cape Town and tomorrow morning we’ll be leaving on a 2-day, nonstop, bus ride to Mozambique. There, we will be finitely in the bush.
WOO HOO!
PST. Oh, by the way, mom, I got a new tattoo.
(on a continent with the highest percentage of AIDS. Smart? I’ve had better moments.)
PSST. And I finally learned how to knit! (Thanks Rebecca!)
PSSST. And I have a new giraffe friend named Nelson! (Thanks Katherine & Megan! And maybe Christin & Maria? I don’t know who actually chipped in for him, but thank you too :))
PSSSST. And I have a new ring that sometimes stabs me when I’m not paying attention! (Thanks Meg :))
PSSSSST. Thank you for all your prayers & birthday wishes. I love you.
PSSSSSST. Daddy, still waitin’ on that miracle.
 |
| South Africa Thanksgiving |
 |
| South Africa, Cooking |
 |
| South Africa, Ministry |
|
|
| South Africa, Ministry |
 |
| South Africa, Exploring |
