In four days, I will have arrived at the end of month one and will have been gone from home the longest I’ve ever spent away from it. I’ve had a difficult time putting into words what the Lord has done and has been doing—part of the reason for it being that I started this thing with a broken heart. Things lost in the mess of change and growth along with things hoped for.
My sister says sadness is what’s “real.” But I haven’t spent the whole time sad. There have been moments of deep joy and belly laughs and of wonder. Lots of wonder.
So. Here I am. Haha In my mess telling you all thank you. Even though some days I really just want to stay behind and cry (today) and some days I just want to have a dance party, I’m so grateful.
When I signed up for this trip, I thought, “Maybe I’ll know what I want to do? Maybe I’ll know what university I’ll want to go to to get my bachelors. Maybe I’ll know what I want job I’ll finally want. Ministry full time? Career that pays for ministry?” But more than that, I’m finding, though I have none of those questions answered, that the Lord is, and has always been interested, in who I’ll be. At 21, you’d think I’d have heard him say that once or twice, but I finally get it. Or at least I think I am. Haha
He’s built me specifically to love people in ways that only I can love them, and what a tragedy it would be if I spent my whole life so confused about who I am that I missed every second of that calling. So preoccupied with a career or finding a husband or getting out of Sanford. I have so much love to give. If you know me, you know that’s the truth tattooed on my heart. If you don’t, I hope I get to love you fiercely.
The Lord’s been teaching me more and more the kind of person he wants me to be—who I want to be. I want to plant orchards of kindness. I want to be the kind of person who makes others feel at home. I want to carry home with me. Don’t ask me what that looks like, I’m still figuring all of that out. I’m not always kind and I’m not always the type of person to lay out a welcome mat to my life or heart, but my God, do I want to be.
I want to carry home with me. So. I might write some more about what we’ve done (my snapchat is a great place to keep up! @tkirstie27) and who I’ve met. There have been amazing amazing things the Lord has done through me and my team, but I thought you’d all like to hear my heart first.
That’s like, my thing right? Theopenhearted? I’m learning how to be that word that the Lord’s spoken over me since the day He asked me to be His. Open hearted.
I’ll be writing some more soon.
Love always.
-Tipp <3
