Well, the Lord has really stretched me this month. Sometimes I hate the saying, "God is growing you so much through this time" or something like that because most of the time, those times in our life are not fun.
I was really excited about coming to Honduras because the church I grew up in, Drakes Branch Baptist Church, makes a trip here each year and I was excited to see the land that I have indirectly been a part of for a long time. I wasn't too excited about our living situation at first. My team was set up in 2 concrete rooms in the back of a church. The bathroom was more of an outhouse (also all concrete) with no hot water. The nearest town is a 25 minuite walk and has only a few stores. We could only get wifi to comunicate to the world once a week when we took a bumpy bus ride for 45 mins to Gracias. I think one of the hardest things was realizing after the first week that there were some squads who had access to not only clothes washers but also dryers, wifi daily, hot showers, and even Starbucks. God was stretching me. My dad laughed when he first heard about the ruggedness that I would be in for a whole month. I mean, it was pretty funny.
Then I got sick. I got angrier and angrier at God. I found myself so completely uncomfortable and even began thinking that obeying God's direction wasn't worth it and I just wanted to go home and sleep in my extremely comfortable bed under a ton of covers and take a steaming hot bath. My time with God began slipping. I was finding excuses not to read His word or spend time with Him. I found myself getting annoyed by everything and just wanted out of there. I didn't like being in Honduras. I didn't like the roads and the drivers who swerved every two seconds to avoid potholes and made me even more carsick. I didn't like the food. I didn't like the cold showers. I didn't like concrete walls and floors. I didn't like ministry. I didn't like praying for people.
After my body started healing, I told my teammates about the things I was feeling. The anger at God. The feeling of not being important here. The desire to leave even though this is where I knew God wanted me. They all immediately surrounded me and prayed for me and my heart. I was tired of feeling this way and wanted God to change my heart. Jen told me that just because I have had a rough time so far, that Honduras can still be beautiful and it can turn into something great. (I'll be honest, I didn't believe it at the time.)
I have told you all a little about what ministry looks like here with Pastor Jesus, but we have also been involved with helping find more contacts for the World Race and Unsung Heroes. This has been a little challenging since we haven't had much internet (or any) and we couldn't network that way. But the first day out, we came across some Americans just 20 yards up the street from where we were staying who were here for a week on a missions trip to help another pastor put a roof on a church. Turns out, that pastor, Sebastian, speaks English and we build a relationship with him. He is involved with a TON of different ministries all around the area (a radio program that reaches 200,000 people, evangelism to the Lincan Indians in the mountains, a church outreach in a local town, and lots of other things). He ends up being a God-sent contact for Honduras and through him, we get almost 10 or more contacts all over Honduras!
My team had talked about having a few of us go into the mountains to visit Sebastian's friend, Pastor Alejandro, with the Lincan Indians and see if this would be a good potential place for future World Racers. I immediately expressed interest in going even though I knew it would be even rougher living than our current situation, I was really excited about the Unsung Heroes program and wanted to be apart of it. The original plan was to go the week I was sick so I was unable to go and others had taken the opportunity to go for me, but Sebastian was exhausted after having the other Americans for the week so we decided to go the week after. I was slightly upset at not being able to go now that the others had planned on going, but I tried putting it out of my mind and just thought that I guess God just has something better for me if I stay. I was really feeling unsettled about it though. I really felt like I needed to go. The night before everyone left, Angela spoke up and said that she had been praying about it, and was asking God if she had the right intentions about going. She said that it had been clear to her to stay behind and that there was now a spot open for someone else to go! I began crying. I was soooo thankful for her obedience to God's voice and in turn that allowed me the opportunity to jump on the bandwagon once again!
The next morning, Nate, Johnny, Brittany, and I had our things packed for our 3 day excursion into the mountains to meet the Lincan Indians and met Sebastian and Dave and rode the 2 1/2 hours up the mountain. The experiences and stories of those three days are enough for a blog on its own so look forward to that one, but God changed my heart those couple of days. I WANTED to pray for people. I WANTED people to be healed. I WANTED to visit families. I WANTED to eat more corn totillas. I WANTED to use the bathroom behind a tree. I WANTED to serve others. I WANTED to have a good attitude even when I was hurting. I WANTED to be joyful.
When we reunited with our team, they saw a difference in me. I don't know exactly what did it, but God totally changed my heart towards Honduras. This is an incredibly beautiful country with even more beautiful people. Everyone I have met have been so hospitible and welcoming. God is moving in this country. And He moved in my heart. I am so joyful to be here and I will be sad to leave in a few days. I started tearing up leaving Alejandro's family and the community of Lincan Indians even after being with them for only a few days. I even had a dream last night that I visited them again!! (We'll see if that is prophetic or not)
So even though I don't like that saying, it is true. God had to break me and break me and break me and break me in order to bring true joy. I'm tearing up even now just thinking about His grace. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
