Wholeness = a thing that is complete in itself; in an unbroken or
undamaged state; in one piece, not as separate parts.
“I take literally the statement in the Gospel of John that God loves the world. I believe that the world was created and approved by love, that it subsists, coheres, and endures by love, and that, insofar as it is redeemable, it can be redeemed only by love. I believe that divine love, incarnate and indwelling in the world, summons the world always toward wholeness, which ultimately is reconciliation and atonement with God.” ? Wendell Berry
“Yet now He has brought you back as His friends. He has done this through His death on the cross in His own human body. As a result, He has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault; completely WHOLE.” –Colossians 1:22
Can you truly experience the love of the Father and it leave you in a state of incompleteness? Is it that the love wasn’t strong enough or gigantic enough to swallow your brokenness? Clearly that cannot be the case because the love of God is so enormous. Where is the disconnect? Why do we still live wounded lives striving for completion that never arrives? Where have we missed it?
Wholeness. Becoming a whole and complete person is something I have desired and strived to be. However, there are still wounds in my heart and I cannot figure out why they haven’t healed by now. For a long time I was stuck on the “unforgiveness” train. I kept searching my heart for unforgiveness…digging through the pages of my life expecting to find something in there I had been holding on to, but to my dismay there was nothing there. So why? Why did I still have wounds in my heart if I wasn’t holding onto unforgiveness? As I began to fish around my heart asking these questions and God began to reveal to me the answers. There is a huge difference between forgiveness and wholeness. There are separate things. We forgive cause God’s word says to and we also need forgiveness ourselves. But how do we make the leap from walking out forgiveness and living in complete wholeness?
For a long time I have strived, with all my heart, to reach this place of wholeness. I have worked so hard to become more patience, kind, peaceful and loving. The harder I try, the less I become. It wasn’t until this month that God made it clear to me. The key to walking through this door of wholeness is undivided, quietness in His presence. The more time I spend with Him – not reading, praying, checking books off my study list, journaling or listening to worship (although these are all good things) – it is just BEING with Him. It is not asking Him to change me, through the list of the 47 things I want to change about myself or begging Him to heal me from my past wounds; it is the quiet depth that comes only from spending that time in His loving presence.
He loves me how I am! When I come to Him, I have a list of all the things I want to improve on. I never stop to think that maybe Jesus just wants to love on me with nothing in return. WHAT A CONCEPT!?! People, this is a revelation I haven’t been able to really grasp my entire life. As a goal-oriented person, I tend to sometimes be “works minded”, even though I know it’s not through my works that I receive salvation. I still, deep in my heart, feel the need to “earn” my place with Christ. I constantly feel the need to self evaluate and ask God to “fix” me. However, the truth is that I am not broken. I have walked through brokenness, and I know I will again in my life, but I am not damaged. Until the day I die, I will be growing and changing to become more like Christ – that is a given. But right now, Jesus wants me to just let Him love on me. Let Him be there for me. I tend to be a “fixer” type of person in my relationships, and my walk with Christ. I desire, with a good heart, to help people reach their goals or get to where they desire to be. Many times, when people quit or don’t attain those expectations I somehow take it as a personal failure. I am beginning to realize that in constantly asking God to fix me or focusing on fixing others I miss out on the intimacy of the relationship.
This is all so new to me and it’s hard to really put it into words. I know that as God teaches me more on how to walk in true wholeness, I will have a better understanding. I am on the road though. I am running towards that door! And the more time I spend in His presence, waiting quietly before Him, He will make me who He wants me to be. Walking in peace, patience and love with others will just flow naturally because it won’t be something I am striving to become, it will be someone that I am.
