Death.
The only surefire way to make me cry.
Death of someone I know.
Death of someone I don’t.
Death of someone in a movie.
Talk of someone who might die.
Tears.
But I didn’t cry when I was sad.
Because I didn’t let myself feel sad.
I didn’t cry when I was angry.
Or frustrated.
Or……
I refused to feel the emotions I didn’t like.
And I was proud of my emotional control.
*******
What I didn’t acknowledge is that my lack of emotion was separating me from experiencing the fullness of God’s love.
I wasn’t able to connect fully to God because I didn’t embrace my emotion.
*******
I had no idea what I was getting into when I prayed that I would feel the Father’s emotion and that it would be beneficial to my life.
If I had known,
I would not have asked.
It is hard to feel.
It is hard to embrace pain and sadness and disappointment.
I find that I currently cry all the time for no reason.
It is super annoying.
I am often frustrated with the process.
The process isn’t short.
And it isn’t easy.
God has blessed me with a patient boyfriend.
Supportive housemates and friends.
Wise family.
Each of them is being used by God to
Break a Lifelong Stoic
