Most of you know that I work as a bartender mostly and cocktail waitress sometimes. I work at a fine dining steakhouse which gives me the opportunity to speak to and get to know many people that I otherwise would never know. It also gives me the opportunity to have momentary interactions to hundreds of people every week. I know dozens of people that I know and love through that restaurant. I have become friends with several women that head up non-profit organizations. One works with teens in Dallas and one with human trafficking efforts. Through their love and generosity, they have graciously offered to help me on this journey. I also have had numerous strange and interesting interactions with different people. One of these interactions occurred just a few days ago.
A man sat down at my bar. He was the first guest to choose the bar that day and one of only 4 in the room. He was alone and desired to glance over the menu before making any decisions. In the meantime, a friend of mine had also taken a seat at the bar. The unknown man order a drink and appetizer from me before conversing with my friend. Through the course of conversation, it was mentioned that I was leaving the country in July for a years trip around the world. This gave me the opportunity to tell him a little about what we would be doing and where we would be going.
I always love being able to tell a little of my story and have people share my excitement. There are times that people are not excited; but they are rarely abrasive. This instance, however, was entirely different. He asked to close his tab with me and I offered to box up his food as it had not yet been delivered. He declined saying that he was too sad to eat. He told me that knowing the countries I would be in, I was sure to die. There was no way that I would survive this trip and the thought of my death made him too sad to eat. He, then, left the restaurant without further explanation.
This got me thinking about what I would be willing to give up. I know that I will be relinquishing my material possessions. I won't be able to walk to Starbucks and buy a $5 drink with more sugar than coffee. I won't be able to call Rachel on a dime and have her accompany me to get Pho at the local joint on the corner. I know that my by-weekly visits to see my parents will end for a time. I know that I won't be able to call up Amanda and hear her encouraging words. I know that my already infrequent phone calls with other far-away friends will become even less frequent.
But what if I were giving up my life. What if I knew now that I was going to die? Would I still go?
The answer is yes. God has called me. God has promised to give me everything that I need because I am his child and he loves me. However, I don't need my life. My life is forfeit in light of God's will and goodness and perfection. There is nothing that I would not give. For I would not be giving up my life. I would only be giving up life on this scared and brutal world. In turn I would receive the presence of Christ, the glory of God, the joy of knowing that the race is done and I am with the Father. So, don't fear for my life, it is worth nothing anyway… not in light of eternity.
It is better to die young doing something in the service of a great God than to live a long life in the name of mediocrity.
This song is by Shane and Shane. It captures what I think about this situation. (By the way, I get to see them in 2 weeks and I'm pretty excited.)
