A few days ago I had noticed that I had been getting back into some selfish ways and putting myself first most of the time. I had a self righteous attitude about serving or going out of my way to simply help others and it was hard for me to see. The next day I opened up to God and told him that my heart had turned selfish and I was wanting all the credit and glory for myself. I asked him to take that from me and help change my heart.
So two days ago I made 20 bucks, which is a rare thing for me, and I was pumped. But God told me to give it all away. In my selfish ways I told him I would but only if he spoke loud and clear, in other words if I agreed with the terms. Well, he spoke. And I chose not to give it to that person and sat on it. Well, yesterday he spoke again telling me to give it to this person. So I did. While 20 dollars doesn’t seem like much, I don’t make an hourly wage and all my spending money comes from side jobs that are after work hours, so it was a lot to me. After he received the money I found myself wanting to jump up and take the credit for it. I was hoping there was some way subtly that I could let him know it was me. And I find myself here again. Back to square one, wanting the credit for myself.
I asked for a change of heart and God gave me an opportunity to do something different. God reminded me this morning that the money wasn’t mine to begin with. He told me that the money is his so why should I get the credit for giving something away that wasn’t even mine. I now feel that my heart is changing more toward the selflessness that I am after. But even the mere act of giving it away wasn’t selfless, it was the revelation that while I am given something it doesn’t fully mean it’s mine. And while I give something I don’t deserve the credit, God does.
