I joined the world race in August 2018. I was placed in a brand new environment. I had just come from a drug rehabilitation center consisting of about 40 men. We lived together. Close quarters. We shared everything. Our pains, fears, vulnerabilities, work, extra special work and emotions. It was one of the scariest times in my life. But we grew together through it. We got so close that we got to the point we could poke and jab at each other’s vulnerabilities and still know that we loved that person. It was almost like you wanted the jabs because you knew in all of your shame and insecurities these men loved you enough to acknowledge it but still roughhouse a little bit with it. I spent two years in that environment. The only women I really talked to were my mom, sister, and the incredible ladies that worked there or at the furniture store.
I then become a teammate to a lot of different women. Who had been hurt by men and as a man I had been hurt by women. It took me awhile, a long time really, to learn I couldn’t jab at them in the same way. To learn that my words have power and even if I’m joking it might not be the right time or even just right to say. I’ve spent a lot of time around women lately. One of the flaws of the church is the lack of men and that sucks but that’s for another time. I spent so much time with these women learning how to communicate, live and love them. For the first time in my life these women weren’t an object or something I was trying to attain for myself. But more so a reflection of the beauty of God. It’s crazy to me think of how many women struggle with things that society has put on them. Insecurities about the way they look, their weight, their brains or whatever it may be. A lot of women today are caught up in the comparison trap thanks to the facade that is social media. Not only are they caught up because of social media but also because of us. I definitely have put expectations of what I expected a woman to be. So have countless men. It makes me laugh because when I was this way I was just a boy myself pretending to be a man. Maybe we are taking advice on what women should look like from all of these boys who don’t even know what it is to be a man. I know if I had known what it was to be a man I probably could have prevented a lot of hurt and pain. I wonder what it would look life if the world was full of men of God. Who don’t place expectations or societal goals on the women in their lives but instead the love and teach them who they really are in Christ.
Psalm 139:14
“I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well”.
What if that’s the message we preached to the women in our circles. If we were teaching them God’s truth as children. That there isn’t a goal or beauty to be reached but it’s already inside of them. The sheer fact that you were created in the image of the lord should be enough. Literally, women were created to represent the beauty of the most powerful person ever. The one who created the sunsets and waterfalls. If he can create things that are that beautiful how much more beautiful are women in general? Women are created to capture the beauty of the entire being who created the earth. I can’t imagine how much further along this world would be if men had been doing this. And I’m guilty of it believe me. This past year has been a journey. The other week my teammate, Nicole, asked me “what does it look like to love a woman of God simply because that’s what she is?” And here I am thinking I’m loving these women well. What does that look like?
I think we can get caught up in saying well when I find that woman I am going to love her more than anything. That’s how I think. Or maybe those of you are already doing that for a spouse or girlfriend. Maybe it’s a daughter. I don’t have any of those so where does that leave me? It leaves me here. Exactly where I am. Looking at the question, well what women are in my life? And how can I love them and help them walk in what’s already been given to them? I have a mom. She’s been through an incredible amount. How can I love her when am I am back home? How can I let her know that even though she isn’t married, if you don’t know I lost my father at the age of 7 and mom didn’t remarry probably due to her hooligan children, that she is loved. That she is worth being pursued and treated like she is in fact the essence of our creators beauty and glory. And I try to do that but sometimes fall short. I have a sister. She’s about a year younger than me. She’s single. How can I pursue her? How am I using the influence of being a man to let her know that she is worth being pursued. That she doesn’t have to settle for the guys out there pretending to be men by the things they say, do and own. How do I set the bar for her to know not only how a real man will pursue her but to show her how much her father in heaven loves her.
Here’s the deal men, there are only a few out there willing to do this. To go beyond their perceived circle and help women know what they deserve. We messed up a little bit. That’s ok. But what are we going to do about it now? Are we going to claim truth in their lives or just let Facebook and Instagram set the tone for what they should look like and who they should be? Psshhh not up in here. Not while I’m breathing. Im going to choose to represent our savior. Choose to love them and let them know their worth. Not because they have done anything to earn it because that’s not love. It’s not transactional. But because they were created to be loved and pursued and cherished. All of them, purely because God said so. I’m tired of women who are so incredible ending up with chumps. And I’m tired of chumps pretending to be men. So who can you love today? What women are in your circle and deserve to know the truth about who they are. That they were created by the author of life who is pretty dang good at creating things, not only were they created by him to be beauty but also in his image to encapsulated him. He created the earth and that’s pretty darn cool. How much more is that woman worth? How are you showing her that? Or should we just let these women go on believe they’re unworthy cause that’s a shame.
Side Note: I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m condemning in this just sharing my heart. I’m a man and I fall short plenty. To the men out there doing this already. To the men out there teaching the younger generation of men these things. To the men out there strapping up for battle every single day. I applaud you. It’s a hard walk as I’m learning but you do it without asking for attention or publicity but in surrender to your role as a man. I thank you with all my heart.
To the women out there. If you see someone doing this for you don’t be afraid to speak up. A thank you goes a long way. Come alongside us and encourage and celebrate us. We kinda dig it.
Anyways. I love y’all. Know that God is good and he loves you even if it doesn’t look like it right now he does.
Thomas Pond
