Just pouring a little more of me out here (I PROMISE I’ll be brief this time)!
Do you want to know a really foolish thing I’ve done over recent years in my faith?
I’ve held back.
As I looked back on my faith walk in more recent times I began to realize just how many opportunities I had and how many times God put something on my heart. A word, an action, lots of chances I let pass me by.
I’ve struggled a lot with that knowledge, especially as recent circumstances have allowed opportunity for my mind to bring them into focus.
And a word comes to mind with them. Just one.
Failure.
I don’t like to fail, especially failing others, and certainly not failing to listen to God when He speaks!
I would let all manner of diversions enter my mind when these opportunities I speak of were plainly evident. “This is not the time” or “You’ll look like an idiot” or “It’ll take more of this or that than it’s worth, just leave it.” But do you know what came to mind the most; the most dissuading element? You’ll be surprised; it’s actually a verse from the Bible!
“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Man, how crafty and twisted the enemy truly is, to convolute God’s own word in my mind and heart so as to incapacitate me from being a faithful servant! (And to be clear, this doesn’t negate the value of those words in that verse, the application simply was not for what I thought it was) Since I had my own struggles, how could I effectively help others see and work through their struggles if I had my own? Especially if that person knew about it. That’s how I let the enemy spin the story to me, and I never sought God out in this.
That said, I can say I am thankful, truly thankful, for a fellow sister in Christ who recently helped me to realize the web Satan had ensared me in. I was so consumed in my thoughts and my failures- how could I be an faithful vessel for Him and for others? How could I receive word from Him when I drowned His voice out with my own thoughts?
I’ve told you that God really broke me at training camp and has since been starting to remake me. This is just another piece I am thankful to have crushed so it can be remade into something beautiful!
My conversation ended with this person by her reading to me Romans 8. Can I say, I’ve heard Romans 8 MANY times. That day, I heard it like I had never heard it before!
What JOY filled my soul in that moment! I took a lot to not collapse on the ground in tears in that moment.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8&version=NKJV
Also this:
“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” + Phillipians 3:12
Will I continue to make mistakes and miss opportunities? Probs will. A lot, even. But will I continue to beat myself up about it? Will I continue to let Satan have his way; to be his playground? Will I refuse to help others because I need help myself? Well, the simple answer is “no.” The long answer? It won’t exactly be a cakewalk, knowing me, and Satan will definitely target me here now that he stands to lose ground, but I will fight now rather than wallow in remorse!
Sharing is cool, y’all, so share your struggles with your brothers and sisters in Christ (yes, even the deep, difficult ones), and share/follow what God is leading you to say or do or is putting on your heart. Be that faithful servant! Most importantly, don’t let yourself stay down if you fall and drop the torch. God will meet you right there with such wonderful grace beyond compare! And then stand back up! He’s such a good, good father! And He loves you so much!
Our last day on site is Thursday, so PLEASE pray extra hard for God to do some last minute AWESOME things! Next time you hear from me will either be in Belgrade or even Romania!
(Nope, still not short. BUT hey, at least it was under 1000 words this time! That’s progress!)
