For all of our lives many of us are told what it is to be a man, yet when we truly sit down and ponder the question of what truly makes a man we rarely have a sufficient answer. Some of us have the benefit of having amazing fathers and grandfathers that showed us examples of what it meant to live as men. Yet even with these examples we still often seem to search for our own identity in this world of men. We look to our friends and classmates; we are influenced by their actions and what their fathers’ told them they expect of a man. We look to TV, movies and what the media claim a man is supposed to be. Why shouldn’t we? We see in the theatres what it takes to get the girl and of course that’s how we need to define ourselves isn’t it, by what it takes to get what we believe is the girl of our dreams (which is of course what the world has told women they should be). We even allow ourselves to be told what it means to be a man by the women around us. We seek out their views and opinions because again we want to be the one to get the girl. Sometimes we seek self-help books, or any book that tells you how to become the man you were meant to be in 10 easy steps. We can look to the church; our pastors, clergymen, youth leaders, members of the board all of which generally can be viewed as fine examples.
So many examples to choose from, but based on the shape of this broken world which example or examples have it right? Do any of them? I don’t have the exact formula for what a man should be and how to become that man. Maybe if I figure that out I’ll right my own book with a neat title. What I do know is that most men from all walks of life are missing the mark and missing out on what they were designed to be. I know this because of the brokenness that has enveloped the entire would. I know this because of the pain that people suffer in every corner of the map. I know this because there is so much need in our world and so very few willing to do anything about it.
The easy thing to do is look for someone or something to blame. Some like to look at the original sin either saying from the beginning it was women’s weakness that was our downfall. On the flip side of the coin it was Adam’s failure and unwillingness to be strong for Eve that has forever cursed us with the need to prove ourselves or the feeling of inadequacy. We can blame the examples around us and say our fathers’ were too distant or we were beaten and abused as children. I wish no one had to endure any of these tragedies and it’s hard to find meaning in events such as these. These are more than just mere obstacles to overcome, but events that leave deep scars that rarely are ever healed and usually lead to the building of walls that are so strong no one is ever able to truly get in. To allow these types of scars to define us and use them as an excuse for our mistakes is the path to failure. We do fail if we allow blame to be our focus of why we are not who God has created us to be. Maybe there is one or two root causes to why we as men are flailing about not sure of where our solid ground is. It just seems to me that when we spend all of our energy on finding out whom to blame and point the finger at, before we know it, our lives have passed us by. We’ve missed all the opportunities that God has laid out before us to become exactly who we need to be.
While on the race we have traveled around the world and seen example after example of how much men need to step into who they were created to be. Most church congregations are 2/3rd women, the ratio of men to women missionaries is worse than that, our squad for example at the beginning the race was around 4 women for every 1 guy. So where are all the men at? I really think most men are terrified at the prospect of failing as a man that they won’t even try to realize the truth God has placed on each of our hearts. It’s so easy for us to hide behind jobs, sports and even our families. I know what it’s like to live a life as a man according the world’s definition. I joined the army because I felt it would help me become a man. For a while even after my time in the army I felt like the time I served would be my defining moment. No one could ever take away the fact that I was warrior. I went to war for 2 years, I fought, people tried to kill me and I tried to kill them. I saw people suffer and die and at the end beat my chest and thought, finally I am a man. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my service in the army for a moment. It has given me perspective that only being a soldier in a war can give you. It has had a major impact on my life and has helped mold me in so many ways. I loved to wear the uniform, I loved representing my country (still the greatest country in the world if I do say so myself). I loved standing up for something that was bigger than me. I loved what it meant to others and I loved feeling like I had a purpose. It’s kinda funny but when I think about all the things that I loved about my service I see all the same things that I love about being a man that is trying to do my best to represent Christ and maybe that’s part of the answer.
What I think it comes down to is this; don’t let another man tell you what it means to be one. Don’t let your scars define you, don’t let a movie or song tell you and don’t expect our fathers’ to be the only ones with all the answers, there’s only one Father with all of those. Maybe it’s a constant journey that doesn’t end with one rite of passage into manhood. Like our pursuit of God, it’s a lifelong venture that encompasses all that we are and everything we do with our lives. We as men need to step into the world and fight for a change. Fight for God’s truth and the passions he has placed on our hearts. We need to be Christ to the nations, even if that means starting in your own backyard and being a part of your own local church or ministry. We need to be there for the lost and forgotten, because that’s what Christ calls us to do. We need to be there for the widow and the orphan. We need to stop waiting for others to do all the work and get out there and change the world because with Christ as our guide we can do anything. Maybe it’s as simple as realizing the potential that God put in each and every one of us and sees in us all every day. Sprinkle in a little faith and a bit of elbow grace and maybe we have the ingredients to be the men God expects us to be.
