I keep having this
reoccurring dream…
I’m standing on a crowded, busy street and yet there
is no one around. I can hear the
sounds and feel the people as they brush by me. All drunkenly making their way back to wherever it is they
came. Every once in a while I
catch a familiar voice calling my name, but no one is there when I call
back. I walk further and further
down the deserted, dusty road until I come to a church. It’s a worn out wooden church. The wooden boards are covered in dirt
and the place looks as though it has been deserted for quite some time. And yet the once whitewashed boards
shine through the dirt.
I look around taking in the new surroundings,
completely baffled at how I came to be in this new place, away from the
commotion, lights and darkness that seems to have been lost a hundred feet
behind me. There is an eerie
silence and then I look up. A
stained glass mosaic takes me in. Colors seem to be dancing with colors and I begin to laugh. Something takes over and I find myself
in awe of the joy and beauty that radiates from the pieced together glass. Everything seems like it’s going to be
all right, when a rock comes soaring in from over my head. It strikes the stained glass and sends
it to the ground in pieces. I find
myself running gathering up the pieces, all while my hands get cut up and I
realize blood begins to run out of my hands, but it doesn’t matter. My heart’s longing is to piece this
thing back together. I work
frantically as if time is about to run out…
would tell you that I have figured out how to put myself into a collision
course with the Spirit. I would
tell you that my life will never be the same because of the smiles and people I
have met. I would tell you that a
day hasn’t passed that I haven’t sent a whirlwind of thoughts walking through
the streets in Siem Reap wondering if flowers are being sold and smiles are
breaking loose because of the audacious joy from one nine year old girl.
everybody I talk to laughs because they instantly know who I am speaking of as
they reply, “oh yea, I bought flowers from her”. If you want an accurate depiction of her, think of the little
girl from “The Cosby Show”. The
girl carries all kinds of swag.
treating a couple street kids out to dinner when she walked up to try and sell
us some bracelets or flowers. Somehow we declined to buy anything from her. She walked on in stride, hitting up the other tables until
the workers asked her to be on her way. As she was walking out I caught eye contact with her and she smiled at
me. Something happened inside of
me, I broke. It wasn’t an “oh I
got you” smile, but more of a “thanks for talking to me” smile. I called her back over and bought some
flowers and bracelets. She then
started playing games on my phone and laughing and carrying on with the other
kids at the table. The girl has
joy that resonates to the marrow of your bones.
3 am in the morning selling stuff to drunken people on a street that a child
has no business being on in the middle of a city that has been plagued with
stories of things that we cannot imagine in our worst nightmares. I can’t even walk through a market
without being approached by people wanting to know if I want to buy a pretty
girl for a cheap price. Honestly,
it’s hit me hard and I haven’t shared that with a lot of people.
the way it did? I am SO blessed, I
have a family that looked out for my best interests and supports me in all that
I do, I had a chance to be a kid and I have an opportunity to pursue my
passions. And yet, I get caught up
in my life and in my story.
My story is changing. My adventures are taking on life. My heart is full and yet pieces of it are being left in the
places and people I leave behind me.
heart? It’s not because of her
smile, laugh or even beating all three of us in rock, paper, scissors so that
we have to pay her price. Those
things have definitely attributed and man, I wish you could hear her shout out,
“Oh Yea”! I think about her daily,
because I realize that her story; the one that I barely know is mine!
I wake up every morning and go out into the day trying
to sell something that doesn’t even belong to me. It is something so beautiful! I find joy amidst darkness, even to the point of giving the
darkness no attention. The battle
is already won! I walk down dusty
streets until I am completely engulfed in a Spirit drunkenness that sends me
crashing to the ground begging for more! And when I lose sight of that, I will stop at nothing until I can find
that secret place again.
I don’t know Srey’s full story and I might never. But I do know who she is! She is SO
LOVED, she is A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD,
she is SO PROTECTED, she is a PIECE of MY STORY, she is THOUGHT
OF, she is JOY and she is the BROKEN STAINED GLASS that I will be chasing after for the rest of my
life in order to try and restore it’s beauty to what it is and what it should
remain from the start!
I have my daily struggles and God has a lot left to do
within me, but these collisions this month have definitely been a sign to me
that there is no other place I would rather be. There are so many people left to meet and so many stories
left to share and I am sad. I am
heart broken that I have to leave this one. There is so much HOPE in this place.. Ah SO MUCH HOPE!!
Street at 12:30 am and low and behold who comes running up, dancing… Srey! She had her basket of bracelets and
bouquet of flowers. She made her
rounds telling us goodbye, I bent over and wrapped my arms around her and she
kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, “I will miss you”!
