The man in the Mirror has changed so much over the last 6 months.
I look relatively the same (except the fact I lost 10 pounds due to the rough diet’s of the last 3 countries).
However my thoughts about that Man in the mirror are so incredibly different.
I am starting to believe the man in the mirror is a Son of the Father I so often talk about, and proclaim.
I am starting to notice the man in the mirror has something to offer. Something to bring to the table. He has abilities, talents, and qualities that can impact the world around him.
I am starting to understand that the man in the mirror wasn’t exempt from Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.
The man in the mirror has a future, and is not just the summary of his past.
The man in the mirror has an identity that is in Christ, that is full of amazing, incredible, stories testimonies, and unique perspectives that can bring kingdom to those around him.
You see I have never talked about this much publicly, for fear of shame. But the man in the mirror is no longer basing his actions on fear. But rather that which brings life, truth, and kingdom. I am that man in the mirror, and I have certainly never had a good view or perception of myself in the past.
In fact before this I only saw a boy in the mirror. A boy with many struggles and issues. The raw truth is that I saw everything I wasn’t.
I saw a 7 year old boy that had an absent Father growing up. so how could he possibly understand manhood, brotherhood, or Fatherhood?
I saw a 8 year old boy who had no physical control over his bladder and colon.
I saw a 9 year old boy who had no friends because of a God who cursed his body.
I saw a 10 year old who couldn’t look past the lack of mercy, and grace in his family around him at the time.
I saw an 11 year old who promised to kill himself if he wasn’t “fixed” or “normal” by 14 years old.
I saw a impoverished 12 year old boy who was abandoned by his church community
I saw a 13 year old boy who was socially awkward and not accepted
I saw a 15 year old boy addicted to porn, and an even younger one who was molested by a person who’s trust should have never been broken.
I saw a 16 year old who was a emotional manipulator, and a compulsive liar to cover up his sin and shame.
I saw a 17 year old who was bitter about his family, and his past
I saw an 18 year old, who couldn’t believe in himself, or that he would ever be able to be a capable leader…
You get the idea. I will stop their for now.
These are some of the things I have, and sometimes still see when I look into the mirror. But these are simply lies. You see the above perception is NOT my testimony, and is NOT reality. Believing I am any one of those things is to empower the enemy and is to take on the spirit of victimization. My testimony is God’s AMAZING GRACE, and mercy through all of these facts. So hold the tears back, because if you have heard my testimony you know there is a much better thing to cry over. That is God’s scandalous love, power and provision through all of this.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and I am the person looking into the mirror. So I have a choice, I can choose to believe these lies, or I can choose to step into the light and expose the real scandalous and naked truth. I can choose to see myself as I see others and that is with God’s eyes. I always tell those around me “God doesn’t view you moment by moment, but rather as a whole, how he created you. He see’s you from beginning to eternity.” He still see’s your struggles, and issue’s, but his view of you is perfect. He see’s you for who you truly are, he see’s your full potential Identity even when you don’t. He perfectly knows what you are capable of stepping into, and he perfectly knows who you can be, because he has created that person and he is waiting for you to step into it. I tell others this, and believe this for them. But it is too big, it is too much for me to believe most days.
The truth is I am a man now. The truth is that during all those years there was a God working out an incredible beauty within all the darkness. God was making a way to use all this for good. Despite the evil reality, there was a beautiful love story being written.
The reality was that my God had provided throughout the dark storm.
My God Fathered, and brought in mentors, teachers, and Men of God to teach me about Manhood, Brotherhood, and true Fatherhood. Something very few guys in my generation have, as I understand it.
My Father gave me a Mother who’s Faith, Perseverance, and warrior like attitude has brought me to the point I am at today.
Jesus became my friend for all those years I had no friends. I never realized until I was 19 that it was not normal to talk/ prayer to Jesus about my day. I don’t know how to say it without sounding crazy, but Jesus and I have been friends for years. He gave me Hope, and whispered Beautiful truths into my life on the hardest days. He told me about his kingdom, and what was to come if I would just believe those soft words.
My Father healed my body after 7 years of praying multiple times everyday. He healed it just days before my 14th Birthday, to show me His power and might, and that I had a future, and that it was as awesome as I wanted it to be.
He showed me that the hole in my heart was “God shaped” and that he could fill that void that Porn, girls, manipulation, victimization, and pity could never fill, no matter how many things I threw at it. He showed me that ONLY he could fill it, and he did. Everyday I am discovering this truth more and more as I allow him to preach the Gospel to every corner of my heart.
He gave me a community that loves me, accepts me, encourages, and challenges me everyday. It is a community like no other. It is one that encourages me to step into Sonship, and one that is now showing me that I am capable of leadership. I am learning that a capable leader is led by God, and that as long as I continue to point others to the Father then his Kingdom will come, and his will, will be done.
He has a future for that man in the mirror. and I am starting to believe these truths. I no longer see a boy, but rather a “Man Of God”, with passions, talents, abilities and a future that glorifies the Father, and testifies of his good works. He has a good plan, full of crazy adventures, dark storms, and unpaved paths, for all those who choose him.
For those who may still be in that dark storm please hear these words. God is above, and over the storm, listen for his soft whisper in all the chaos, I promise you he is there, and those words he is softly speaking are the most beautiful thing. It is the light in the dark place, it is the encouragement of a friend, the prayer of a Mother. I beg you just look in the mirror if only for a moment. Ask your Father about who the person is in the mirror. I guarantee you it will make you weep if you allow your heart to hear his words.
I believe the man in the mirror can do it.
I believe the man in the mirror is capable.
I believe the man in the mirror is a SON of the master.
do you believe that for yourself?
Ephesians 1:5 friends.
sincerely,
Thomas Ruhland
