Last night I said I had some good thoughts for my blog next week, but this morning as I sat in my hotel room, I felt the need to write them now.
As I mentioned, the routes for the 3 Gap Year squads were announced. My squad, route 1, got chosen to go to Guatemala, Malaysia, and Botswana. Since the routes were announced there’s been some shifts in the squads as a few racers have prayed and feel God calling them towards other routes. After getting a chance to know some of them, there is no doubt in my mind that God has great things in store for them. For me, the route I was given is perfect, and the squad I’m in is even better. Now, with roughly seven months till we leave, I’m beginning to realize how much preparation is needed. Not just financially, but spiritually as well.
When I initially signed up, I was ready to go, would have packed my bags right then and left if it was a possibility. A lot of that was due to excitement, and not to say that I’m not as excited because I’d say if anything, I am even more excited. However, I have recently discovered that there has been so much that I just threw under the rug, not bothering to deal with, which now needs some serious attention. Many of you know that when I was in sixth grade, I lost my mom. I don’t like saying that she committed suicide or that she took her life because it’s so much bigger than that. She was fighting depression for so long, and it got the best of her. That was seven years ago this May. For six and a half years, I completely ignored the fact that I was living my life without a mother, I ignored the kind of impact that could have on a son. For so long, I told myself that over time, the pain would go away. I never thought that it would require any type of commitment on my end. It wasn’t healthy, but that’s how I dealt with it, and as with anything, it found its way back to the surface. In the past two or three weeks, I’ve learned things about myself that I would’ve never imagined. I could write multiple blogs just explaining what kind of revelations I’ve had. It’s been tough, really tough. Having not dealt with it all for so long, and now just letting it hit me like a freight train. But I would not do it any other way. I have seen incredible transformations and I know there’s so much more in store.
We hear so much about God’s timing and how perfect it is, and I’m really starting to see that. Had I continued to ignore these issues until my trip, I would’ve been carrying such a burden the whole time, and I could say that I wouldn’t be as invested in my personal growth, my squad, or the ministry that we’ll be taking part of. God saw that, he knows me all too well. So as I begin the process of letting go of these things that have held me back, God has opened doors to such greater growth as I am on the Race. I like to think of this process as an on-going train ride with multiple stops, and God is the conductor. Starting from point A, I can’t get to point C without reaching point B. I had tried to just bypass point B for so long, so God waited until I was ready. Now, I feel as if I’m reaching that next stop, and I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.
In Christ,
Thomas
