Something didn’t click.
You know when your alarm clock goes off but your body is
begging for a few extra moments of rest? Those in-between snooze moments where
you are half conscious of what is going on around you? I firmly believe that
God can speak to us in those moments, probably because we let our guard down
and are less likely to argue with what He’s saying.
It’s a really good thing God is not into the snooze button,
because the other day he spoke loud and clear to me…
Let’s back track.
From July 24 till Aug 1, I was in Georgia at training camp
for the race, and all along I knew something wasn’t right. I found out about
The World Race four years ago, which means I’ve spent the past four years
reading blogs, building anticipation and telling myself, “one day I will do
this.” The moment finally came and I was setting foot on training camp, getting
ready to embark on this journey I so badly wanted. And yet something just
seemed off.
In thinking about the training camp, I really wish I could say
I loved every moment of it. I wish I could tell you that everything was amazing
and that it all felt right and everything clicked into place. But here’s the
truth. The dead honest, ugly truth: I left training camp not knowing if I was
100 percent committed to The World Race.
Why?
I wanted this so badly.
I wanted the World Race for four years, and when it became a reality that I was
actually going, I was ecstatic. I remember running to my roommates and shouting
with joy, “I’m going on the World Race!” and the celebration that followed.
What I was looking for from the World Race:
Biblical Teachings, people with passion, people my age with
passion for Jesus and people who were all about bring God’s Kingdom to Earth.
passion for Jesus and people who were all about bring God’s Kingdom to Earth.
So why didn’t it click? Why wasn’t I overwhelmed with joy?
Why wasn’t I in love with everything and everyone? It seemed like everyone
around me was, so what was wrong with me? Anyone else feeling frustrated yet?
And then it happened-my first morning back in New York, when
I was in that in-between snooze moment. God spoke so clearly to me. “You’re
afraid of what’s going to happen when people find out the truth.”
Good morning to you too God!
He said to me, “You’ve lived a double life these past four
years. You’ve grown so much these past years and it’s been great, but whenever
you left your comfort zone you would shut down under the weight of criticism. Your loved
ones know you love Jesus but that’s where it ends. They don’t know that your
stomach was healed because of Jesus. They don’t know that you’ve had incredible
giftings bestowed upon you. And you are so afraid of what’s going to happen
when the find out. You are afraid of writing a blog about people being healed
or worshiping or whatever because you are afraid of their negative reactions.
But you have to let it go, and let me take care of it.”
