For the last two years the song “crash over me” by Bethel has been the anthem I go to when I feel lost, overwhelmed, and distant from Jesus. It’s the song that I often find myself listening to when I am on my knees, begging God, yelling at God, crying to God. And it’s the song that I always come back to. It wasn’t until a few months ago that it all clicked for me- I want to be so consumed by God, by His Spirit, that I am literally drowning. So much so that when people look at me they see Him and when people talk about me, they are talking about Him!
Here are some of the lyrics that inspired this tattoo:
“I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
And I can feel it, my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to
I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where I’ve never been
I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in?
Let love come teach me who You are again.
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You.
Come and do whatever You want to.
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours.”
I went on the race because I wanted to know what it looked like to be “all in” for Jesus. I had lived the majority of my life doing the exact opposite. Running from Him, even when I felt Him reeling me towards himself. I placed my value in everything BUT Him or who He said I was. When Jesus radically and unequivocally interrupted my life in February 2016, I knew the ways I had been living would no longer suffice.
At training camp I was reading Ezekiel and I wrote this in my journal:
“God, I do not want to be an ankle deep Christian. I do not want to be knee deep or waist deep. I don’t even want to be chest deep. God I want to be swept off my feet, at your complete mercy, capsized by your love and grace and power. Lord do not let me settle, do not let me become complacent. Draw me deeper to you so that my life would be an example to the people around me. Everything I am is yours. Thank you for saving me.”
You see, Jesus is depicted and described in so many ways, but what stands out the most to me is that is he sufficient, He sustains us. He is the living water and the bread of life- the only elements we need to physically (and now spiritually) survive on a daily basis. He was baptized in water, He walked on water, turned water into wine, he calmed a sea storm, and He sits next to a well with a messy, broken, woman and offers her living water.
Given my researching nature, I read the gospels immediately following the encounter I had in 2016. The first thing that stood out to me was the way Jesus asked his first disciples to follow him.
Matthew 4:18-20 (NIV)
As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.
Mark 1:16-18 (TPT)
As Jesus was walking along the shore of Lake Galilee, he noticed two brothers fishing: Simon and Andrew. He watched them as they were casting their nets into the sea and said to them, “Come follow me and I will transform you into men who catch people instead of fish!” Immediately they dropped their nets and left everything behind to follow Jesus.”
Luke 5:9-11 (NIV)
For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
Each gospel shares a slightly different account of the same story, but what they all record is that the disciples dropped everything IMMEDIATELY and followed Jesus. They left everything they knew, their entire livelihood, and they followed Jesus.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am a die hard fisher-woman to my core. I have loved fishing since I was a child and it’s still my favorite pastime. So when I learned that the first disciples were fishermen, people that shared my favorite hobby, I was literally and figuratively “hooked.”
I want to be the kind of disciple that hooks people for Jesus. The kind of disciple that relentlessly, immediately, and unquestionably follows Jesus THEN applies what He teaches to reel in His children.
Being on the race has showed me just how radical being a Christian really is. That what God has called us to is not easy, but being in fellowship with Him is so beyond worth it. What the first disciples did was radical. They dropped everything they knew to follow Him. Some say that being on the race is radical and sacrificial… Jesus says it is not just what He has called us to, but the way we are supposed to be living… and I agree with him.
Some say that tattoos should not be allowed. That Christian’s bodies are a temple of God. I say that If my body is His temple, let it be a temple that screams of His glory. A temple covered in His word. A temple marked by the one and only true and high King.
Lord, I am asking you to use me. To move and teach and guide and correct so that I can be the disciple you have called me to be. I want to follow you wherever you lead. Crash over me, Lord, because I want to be all in for you. Don’t let my selfish ambitions get in the way. God, if you’re not going before me, I don’t want to go. Help me stay focused. Lord how can I use the things you’ve given me for your glory? For your children? You have blessed me abundantly and I want to use that for your kingdom. All I am belongs to you. I love you. Amen.
If you want to talk more about this, I would love it if you comment below or reach out to me via Facebook or email!
