*I had to post this quickly before my flight left so it might have some mistakes 🙂
Dear Home,
Eleven months ago I set out on this adventure around the world. I left you in search of something more that I felt I would never find in you. I wanted to experience God in different ways and gain a deeper relationship with Him through loving the different people and places He created.
For as long as I can remember I always thought I would never leave you. I found comfort in knowing how to get somewhere without looking at my map and I loved that I could always count on seeing familiar faces as I went about my day. It was all so predictable and easy.
Then, a few years ago I got a glimpse into a different world when I traveled to a tiny country in the southern part of Africa. It was there that I found things I wasn’t even searching for. Community, purpose, and a love of travel. That trip fueled my desire to experience the things I couldn’t find in my hometown. I tried to “settle down” and do what most people my age do, but nothing stuck. I was caught between two worlds. The one that told me I need to get a degree, a career, or a family and the one that told me to drop everything and follow God. I knew what I wanted, but I was afraid. To drop everything meant I would need to forfeit my sense of security. Which in reality was just that, a sense. I ended up choosing the path where I would call 11 different places home, gain lifelong friends, and see the mark of a loving Father in countless places around the world.
The year and three months leading up to my departure date was filled with so many ups and down. It was hard to grow roots where I was because I knew I would be leaving. I was so excited for the adventure I was about to embark on that I had a tendency to forget about the moment I was in. In a way it felt like I was just waiting for my life to begin. I dreamed about the moment I would finally step foot in Guatemala and start this hard, yet beautiful thing called the World Race.
Then, the day came. I was actually underwhelmed by it all because it still felt like my life, but a little different. I started referring to months as month 1, month 2, month 3, ect. and all of the sudden I was never alone. I could almost fit all my stuff in my backpack, but if I’m being completely honest it usually overflowed into another bag. I learned to say “hello” and “thank you” in multiple languages and I failed miserably when any words involved the sound that people make when they are clearing their throat. I started getting really excited over little things like a bathroom actually having toilet paper in it (and the really special bathrooms that allowed you to flush said toilet paper). I began using terms like team time, one on one, journey markers, ATL, LDW and feedback. A good spot to sleep started looking less like a bed and more like a flat surface where I could lay my blow up sleeping pad (although I did have a bed a good chunk of the time). All of these physical changes quickly became my new normal. I loved it. They gave me perspective and made me realize that I didn’t need half the things I thought I needed all the while giving me a new appreciation for the things I did have.
But those things are only one part of this trip. The rest of the stuff is a bit harder to explain and has changed me in ways that you probably won’t notice at first. As you can image I’ve seen and done a lot of amazing things. Danced and played with hundreds of children, held a baby entering this world, and watched a volcano erupting from a mile away. But, I’ve also seen and experienced a lot of hard stuff. The loss of two sweet girls I met, watching women pick food out of piles of garbage bags, kids that have been abused and abandoned, mistreated refugees, and prostitutes that don’t know their worth. When you hear or see these things it’s tempting to lose hope. I may not understand all the terrible things in this world but as I reflect on these situations I know that He cares. He cares so incredibly much because His love is preset in every one of these situations. It has been an honor to carry His light into the darkness and I’ve learned so much.
Today I got dropped off at the Manila airport marking the end of the World Race and I can’t help but look back and who I was and how I’ve changed. I came on this trip eager to learn and grow, but quickly learned that just because I’m on a mission trip doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to be different. With each month came a new lesson. I found freedom in my prayer life and stopped caring so much about the way my words flowed and started caring more about my heart behind my prayers. I went from not seeing myself as a leader to confidently team leading a group of 5 amazing women. I found freedom from shame and dove into an ocean of grace. I’ve experienced the goodness of living in community and being vulnerable with others. I don’t know if this trip was everything I expected it to be, but I’m leaving knowing is was everything it was supposed to be. The cool thing is I said “yes” to the race thinking I was giving up my security, but after these 11 months I’ve never felt more secure. Secure in Jesus and who I am in Him and all His plans for me.
Now it’s time to come back to you. My home. It’s a term I’ve come to use lightly because as Miriam Adeney says,
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”
So with that, I want to say thank you. Thank you for supporting me, loving me, following along, and everything else you may have done. I truly couldn’t have done this trip without you.
