A journal entry of me taking to my Father about hurt, love, and loss.
June 20th, 2018
Abba,
I’m tired of saying goodbye. It hurts so much. The more I have to say them, the harder they get. And now, knowing some of those goodbyes are for forever makes me cry. I don’t understand it all.
Today I got news that the sweet little girl I taught English to last month has passed away. You already know that though. She was so strong and brave. I guess I just thought she would be okay. She is with you now, so I guess I am right. I thought they would be able to manage her disease. I dreamed of her growing into a young woman. I remember talking about her and how she would probably be able to have kids one day, but it would be risky. I never thought she would be gone so soon.
More than ever I am thankful for the life I get to live. I did absolutely nothing to receive the blessing of an amazing childhood with incredibly loving parents and all the luxuries that come with being born in America. I can’t thank you enough for all I have. Father, help me to use all you have given me to bless others.
And now that I’m writing this, I’m realizing just how worth it all the sad goodbyes are. They mean that I have loved.
I have loved the kids in the orphanage in Guatemala.
I have loved the YWAM staff in Panama.
I have loved my Africa4Jesus hosts in Lesotho.
I have love my UCSA family in South Africa.
I have loved my roommates in Malaysia.
I have loved smoothie lady and the staff at FBR in Thailand.
I really have left a bit of my heart in everyplace I’ve gone. Theres a quote that goes something like “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” This is so true!
Abba, I may be tired of saying goodbye, but I’ll never grow tired of loving. I’m not going to hold back these last two months. I pray that I love your people so much that my heart breaks when I leave them. I love you Lord and You are good even when the goodbyes here on earth are pernament.
This blog is in remembrance of two sweet girls that I was blessed to love before they left this earth.
Sweet Naw Tee Ku Paw passed away on June 19th, 2018 after her hard fought fight with congenital heart failure. She is already missed by so many.
Precious Candi passed away on December 10th, 2017. I met her month 1 in Guatemala. She brought my team and I so much joy and laughter.
