I just concluded my student teaching…and my college career.
Where do I start to summarize these last four years?! It is impossible unless
you want to literally read a book of all that God has done. Since I just
finished teaching and that has been on my mind twenty-four-seven, I will write
about that.
Today was my last day. I had a splendid time playing games,
eating food, and dancing with my students. I now know the proper way to “dougie�…the
question is, can I actually replicate it again?
It is nice to be done, but I
will for sure miss my students and my mentor teacher. It was hard to hear some
of my students say that they do not want to leave school and would rather be there
instead of home. Can I just take them
home with me?!
The thing I observed that was most effective in this quarter
of teaching was the relationships that my mentor had with our students. Isn’t that true in life too? We can try
to do things and get things accomplished but what truly matters is
relationships. No matter where I go, people all desire to be loved and
accepted. Every day my students strive for this, but they do it by hiding their
hurt and they often hurt others so that they can somehow feel better. In some
ways I struggle with the same. I can fall into the trap of desiring people to
love me so much that I think poorly of others in order to reassure myself that
I am worth people’s love. Thankfully God
has shown me over the years how ridiculous this is and how much He loves me and that His love is enough.
But it for sure is hard not to desire that same love from humans. It was good
to think about because, how much more did these students need to have
unconditional love.
Sometimes I got frustrated because they would say stupid
things to each other and get in a verbal fight and I would just think, “oh my
goodness, just stop, who cares if they think that, move on, just ignore them.�
But they told me, “Heck no, I can’t ignore them, I can’t let them get away with
that.� I stopped to think about this and I realized sometimes it was hard for me not to take to
heart things my students said and how much more so for them when they are in
middle school, still trying to figure out who they are and not having a stable
upbringing that I had.
So how do I get my satisfaction in God and not demand the
same from mere humans? Human relationships will always carry some level of disappointment
and hurt, after all ……they aren’t God. So, how do I encourage my students not
to take to heart the nasty things said to them. I honestly don’t know…I guess
just lead by example and pray that they would realize that people can’t satisfy
fully their needs or desires.
Because I am such a people pleaser, I have struggled fearing
people’s expectations and not relying on God’s unconditional love given to us
through Christ. What does this mean? Worrying more about what people think of
me than what God thinks of me. So how can I expect my students to grasp this
even when I struggle with this?
So I think I have learned more about understanding and accepting
people for where they are and not
expecting them to act mature or �just suck it up.� Loving them for who they are
and trying to show grace (that undeserved favor) … the same grace that God
shows me day in and day out in spite of all the crap that I do.
I have high expectations for myself and I tend to put these
onto others… and I unfairly put these onto my students. My students don’t need
one more person telling them what they can’t do, they need someone to listen.
This is challenging when I have to stand up and teach them algebraic equations
but I also was able to have some special moment’s wrapping up the year, just to
hear from them. I am so thankful for this one, of many things, I have learned.
So when I go overseas, I pray that I will be able to love people where they are
and appreciate them for who they are (1 Thessalonians 3:12). My job isn’t to change people only the love
of Christ can transform a person from the inside…my job is to love them (Luke
10:27). God doesn’t need me to show Himself to people, but when I am willing
and available, He lets me be a part of this joy. I don’t need to shove anything
down anyone’s throat or tell them I disagree with them. (1 John 3:18). My
desire is to love, to love whole heartedly…why? So that people can get a little
glimpse of how much God loves them and accepts them for who they are, more than
words can express, important to Him.
